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  1. Unregistered
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    #1

    essay

    hello,

    Im a german and I have a big exam next week and
    we have to write an essay (composition about 180 words)
    on a current topic...

    so I choose one to exercise and improve my writing skills, but i have no idea weather my grammar is a bit correct or not
    I`m not very good in english!
    The composition must not go in detail but should have a good structure..

    Nowadays the big issue about teenage binge drinking is argued in the media.
    For this reason the question arises: Do we need laws to regulate alcohol consumption?
    On the one hand the excessive drinking habitants make a big impact on the health and education, children have problems in school since they go out long, also their memory ability declines from the excessive drinking.
    For this reason a law that forbid people under aged consumpt alcohol can help.
    But on the other side you cannot forbid all things, so the teenager drink deliberately more as an effect. Moreover the adults dont make a good example. This is whr you should consider a total ban. What is very hard to enforce.Additionally a bit to drink on weekends is necessary to keep social contact.
    All in all I think it should be possible in a certain age to make self the decision if we drink alcohol or not. I think we can t make al decisions with a big law, which is hard to control.

    If you have a tip for me, please say,
    thanks a lot

  2. Casiopea's Avatar

    • Join Date: Sep 2003
    • Posts: 12,970
    #2

    Re: essay

    1. Stick to active voice.
    Ex: Nowadays the big issue about teenage binge drinking is argued in the media.

    2. This is a good thesis statement:
    Ex: For this reason the question arises: Do we need laws to regulate alcohol consumption?

    3. Use language that your readers are familiar with:
    Ex: On the one hand the excessive drinking habitants


    4. Vary sentence length and, above all, do not marry sentences (i.e., separate ideas) with a comma:
    Ex: ... make a big impact on the health and education, children have problems in school since they go out long, also their memory ability declines from the excessive drinking.

    5. Double-check subject-verb agreement:
    Ex: For this reason a law (singular subject) that forbids (singular verb) people under aged consumpt alcohol can help.

    6. In formal writing, do not use "but" to start a sentence:
    Ex: But on the other side you cannot forbid all things, so the teenager drink deliberately more as an effect.

    7. Coordinate:
    Ex: On the one hand the excessive drinking ... on the other side ... (try, on the other hand)

    8. Double-check spelling:
    Ex: This is whr you should consider a total ban.


    9. Double-check punctuation:
    Ex: What is very hard to enforce?

    10. Make sure the meaning flows from sentence to sentence:
    Ex: This is whr you should consider a total ban. What is very hard to enforce? (Note, those two sentences, together, do not make sense.)

    11. Nice use of -ly clause-introduction:
    Ex: Additionally, a bit to drink on weekends is necessary to keep social contact.

    12. Punctuation:
    Ex: All in all, I think it should be possible in a certain age to make self the decision if we drink alcohol or not. I think we can t make al (spelling) decisions with a big law, which is hard to control.

    Does that help?

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