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    • Join Date: Jul 2005
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    #1

    proofreading

    Hi,

    could you please proofread the following text (espcially the highlighted parts):

    Team activities make the process of a group becoming a team and the process of personality development faster and confusion thus changes into collaboration. If you at the same time understand the team ability with your hand, heart and head, you will become eager to deliver good performance and enjoy success after all the effort made.

    Thank you very much.

    Hanka

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    #2

    Re: proofreading

    How about moving 'at the same time' to after 'head'?

  1. bianca's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: proofreading

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanka View Post
    Hi,

    could you please proofread the following text (espcially the highlighted parts):

    Team activities expedite the process of teambuilding and of personality development, thus changing (turning) confusion into collaboration. If you understand the team ability with your hand, heart and head???, you will at the same time become eager to deliver good performance and wholly enjoy the success of your efforts.
    Thank you very much.

    Hanka
    have I changed too much?
    I don't really understand the underlined part.


    • Join Date: Jul 2005
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    #4

    Re: proofreading

    Never mind, I donīt understand it either.

  2. bianca's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: proofreading

    maybe:

    "if you understand the team (making) process first-hand" (i.e. through close interaction)

    depends on the meaning of the underlined part, if I got it right


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #6

    Re: proofreading

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanka View Post
    Hi,

    could you please proofread the following text (espcially the highlighted parts):

    Team activities make the process of a group becoming a team and the process of personality development faster and confusion thus changes into collaboration. If you at the same time understand the team ability with your hand, heart and head, you will become eager to deliver good performance and enjoy success after all the effort made.

    Thank you very much.

    Hanka

    Team activities speed up the processes of turning a group into a team and development of personality. Confusion thereby changes into collaboration. If at the same time [with your whole being] [wholely] you understand the team's ability/capacities, you will become eager to deliver a good performance and will enjoy the success achieved after all the efforts made.

  3. RonBee's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: proofreading

    My turn.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanka View Post
    Team activities make the process of a group becoming a team and the process of personality development faster and confusion thus changes into collaboration. If you at the same time understand the team ability with your hand, heart and head, you will become eager to deliver good performance and enjoy success after all the effort made.
    Not much needs to be changed. I would change the second sentence thusly:
    If you understand the team concept with your hand, heart and head you will become eager to deliver good performance and enjoy success after all the effort made.
    A group of people is not a team unless that group of people is working together toward a common goal. A group becomes a team and confusion turns into collaboration when that group of people starts working toward a common goal. In the second sentence, "enjoy success" means to me "experience success" or "achieve success". And "after all the effort made" means "after the hard work put forward".

    ~R

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