Results 1 to 3 of 3
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • Poland

    • Join Date: Jan 2006
    • Posts: 2,081
    #1

    A short piece for your comments (2)

    Dear teachers,

    Another piece for your comments goes below. As previously, I would be grateful for any comments, especially on the language and how the piece is written. Sorry if it's too long!

    Thanks,
    Nyggus

    PS: As you're teachers here, I am sure you will understand the pain of the character of the story! In which case I would like to express my deep apologies if any time I have had my contribution to these feelings.

    ---------------

    Had I not been a teacher here, I would have stood up, yelled at all of them (nothing particular, just a loud yell) and run out of the classroom.

    Yes, I can see this inaccuracy—had I not been the teacher, I would have not been there so how I would have run out... I know, but please, please don’t take my dreams away from me…

    So, coming back to the main point, had I not been a teacher here, I would have stood up, yelled at all of them and run out of the classroom. I would have run a thousand yards, ten thousand yards, a hundred thousand yards just to get rid of them, those monsters, those unimaginably malicious creatures who seem to find pleasure in driving me crazy. Yes, they are good at this, there’s no doubt about it. Really good. And they are really driving me crazy, like this stupid cat meowing pitifully outside my door every single evening, when it’s getting dark and everything I am thinking of is that it’s high time to go to sleep. No chance, the villain has no mercy and meows, meows, meows till I am so tired that at last I manage to fall asleep; I am sure it stops then—what for should it meow any longer? I tried to catch it, I tried to make a photo of it, I tried just to look at it through the window in my kitchen, but nothing—nothing!—worked, it’s a cat that meows every evening and can’t be even looked at. It’s my real nightmare, something I can’t find a way to deal with.

    And these students of mine are driving me crazy exactly like this stupid cat, but they constitute a whole choir of meowing cats, and I am sure they do it on purpose. That purpose is to drive me crazy. They must know I hate this meowing and that it’s something for which I would pay millions of dollars to get rid of.

    But I have no millions, I don’t even have thousands, so I have to listen to this choir of meowing cat-like little monsters, whose only, I reckon, pleasure is to prove that I’ll be a looser and they’ll be winners in this game.

    A game with no rules and just one aim—to get rid of me out of the classroom.

    And as time goes by I am starting to think they’re right, that I will loose the game. And I will eventually run out of the class and make for nowhere as fast as my legs would carry me, just to leave the classroom behind, just to be alone, just to be myself, a friend of no one and a fan of loneliness on a desert of peaceful no-one-driving-me-crazy.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #2

    Re: A short piece for your comments (2)

    Had I not been a teacher here, I would have stood up, yelled at all of them (nothing particular, just a loud yell) and run out of the classroom.

    Yes, I can see this inaccuracy—had I not been the teacher, I would have not been there so how I would have run out... I know, but please, please don’t take my dreams away from me…

    So, coming back to the main point, had I not been a teacher here, I would have stood up, yelled at all of them and run out of the classroom. I would have run a thousand yards, ten thousand yards, a hundred thousand yards just to get rid of them, those monsters, those unimaginably malicious creatures who seem to find pleasure in driving me crazy. Yes, they are good at this, there’s no doubt about it. Really good. And they are really driving me crazy, like this stupid cat meowing pitifully outside my door every single evening when it’s getting dark and all that I am thinking of is that it’s high time to go to sleep. No chance! The villain has no mercy and meows, meows, meows till I am so tired that at last I manage to fall asleep; I am sure it stops then—why should it meow any longer? I tried to catch it, I tried to take a photo of it, I tried just to look at it through the window in my kitchen, but nothing—nothing!—worked. It’s a cat that meows every evening and can’t be even looked at[seen]. It’s my real nightmare, something I can’t find a way to deal with.

    And these students of mine are driving me crazy, exactly like this stupid cat, but they constitute a whole choir of meowing cats, and I am sure they do it on purpose. That purpose is to drive me crazy. They must know I hate this meowing and that it’s something that I would pay millions of dollars to get rid of.

    But I have no millions, I don’t even have thousands, so I have to listen to this choir of meowing cat-like little monsters, whose only pleasure, I reckon, is to prove that I’ll be a loser and they’ll be winners in this game.

    A game with no rules and just one aim—to get rid of me out of the classroom.[I would delete this - it's unnecessary]

    And as time goes by I am starting to think they’re right, that I will lose the game. And I will eventually run out of the class and make for nowhere as fast as my legs would carry me, just to leave the classroom behind, just to be alone, just to be myself, a friend of no one and a fan of loneliness on a desert[in a desert OR on a desert island] of peaceful no-one-driving-me-crazy.

    Lovely stuff! Some refinements indicated. nb Loose = unfasten, set free; Lose = Fail to win.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • Poland

    • Join Date: Jan 2006
    • Posts: 2,081
    #3

    Re: A short piece for your comments (2)

    Many thanks, Anglika, for your comments, useful as always.

    Nyggus

Similar Threads

  1. A short piece for your comments
    By nyggus in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 20-Jun-2007, 21:05
  2. fall short of
    By Korusan in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 14-Dec-2006, 06:04
  3. Short story - comments and suggestions needed. Thanks!
    By nur in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 13-Dec-2006, 09:40
  4. Need help with my sister's piece of writing
    By Flash in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-Mar-2006, 06:36

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •