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  1. Unregistered
    Guest
    #1

    formal letter

    I would like to ask, is the following letter written correctly???




    Dear Mrs Newton,



    I am writting to you on behalf of my parents, whose English is not good enough to contact you.

    My little brother, Mateusz Poliniewicz has been attending to your school for one year, and his parents want him to continue it in the next year. I would like to ask you, is it possible to get for him one month long holiday in september because of the family reasons? We are having then the wedding of our the oldest brother, and presence of the every member of family is strongly recommended. The wedding will take place in our country, so that is why Mateusz can not be present at school during the ceremony.

    Please, tell me if there are any possible circumstances, which allow pupil to have that long absence. This is very important for our family.

    I am looking forward for hearing from you.

    Yours Sincerely,
    Anna Poliniewicz


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #2

    Re: formal letter

    Dear Mrs Newton,

    I am writing to you on behalf of my parents, whose English is not good enough to contact you.

    My little brother, Mateusz Poliniewicz, has been attending to your school for one year, and his parents want him to stay in it next year.

    However, in September we would like to take him out of school for a month. My oldest brother is getting married and the whole family is expected to come. The wedding is to be in {say which country}, and it is very important that everyone should be present

    I hope that these special circumstances will mean that you can give permission for Mateusz to be absent over so long a period. It matters a great deal to our family.

    I am looking forward for hearing from you.

    Yours sincerely,
    Anna Poliniewicz


    Good luck!

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 19,218
    #3

    Re: formal letter

    This is not a grammar comment, but perhaps you could add that you would be happy to take school assignments with you on the trip and work with your brother to ensure he does not fall behind in his studies while attending this family event.


    • Join Date: Sep 2005
    • Posts: 260
    #4

    Re: formal letter

    I am writing to you on behalf of my parents, whose English is not good enough to contact you.

    Starting a letter by telling the receiver you have written a letter is a bit redundant, even if you are doing it for someone else.



    My little brother, Mateusz Poliniewicz, has been attending to your school for one year, and his parents want him to stay in it next year.

    Attending your school, not attending to. Continue is a better word that 'stay in it' and saves several words.



    The wedding is to be in {say which country}, and it is very important that everyone should be present.

    'The whole family should attend' is preferable. 'Everyone' is a lot of people!



    It matters a great deal to our family.

    'It is very important' KISS - Keep It Short and Simple. Less words is better.




    I am looking forward for hearing from you.

    I look forward to hearing from you


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #5

    Re: formal letter

    Barb has a very good point - if you ask for work that he can do, it may well help you.

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