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    #1

    A passage

    He took my hand into his wet, nasty hand and said with a kind of intimate tone in his trembling voice: "Let's do it, my friend, let's do it. Be not afraid of anything. I'm here, with you, and you have not to be afraid." So, though full of doubts and hesitation in my heart, I stood up and went with him into the chamber, the chamber full of lights and strange voices and even noises that resembled some kind of ghost-howling or something like that. I didn't know what to expect.

    I'd appreciate any comments on grammar and style in this passage.

    Thanks,
    Nyggus


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    #2

    Re: A passage

    Quote Originally Posted by nyggus View Post
    He took my hand into his wet, nasty hand and said with a kind of intimate tone in his trembling voice: "Let's do it, my friend, let's do it. Be not afraid of anything. I'm here, with you, and you have not to be afraid." So, though full of doubts and hesitation in my heart, I stood up and went with him into the chamber, the chamber full of lights and strange voices and even noises that resembled some kind of ghost-howling or something like that. I didn't know what to expect.

    I'd appreciate any comments on grammar and style in this passage.

    Thanks,
    Nyggus
    I would avoid using "hand " twice in the first sentence.
    I'm here with you and you have not to be afraid.

    full of doubts and with hesitation in my heart


    strange voices and noises that resembled some kind of ghost-howling.

    It is fluent and evocative, but these changes should improve it.

  1. RonBee's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: A passage

    Say:
    I'm here with you, and you do not have to be afraid.
    ~R

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    #4

    Re: A passage

    Many thanks, Anglika and RonBee!

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