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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
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      • Poland
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    • Join Date: Jan 2006
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    #1

    Question A passage

    A heavy drinker and lonely as hell, Tony had decided to change his life. He filled his pockets with all his money and started a journey that was supposed to change his miserable life. Hard though he tried, he ended in a nasty dive five streets from his home, soon filled with gin and tomato soup he'd always hated. "I tried hard as never, and finished as always," he recalled the old Polish saying his grandma had used to quote.
    ---

    I'd appreciate any comments on the grammar and style in the above short passage. Does is sounds unnaturally?

    To help you point out doubtful places: is it clear that he always hasn't liked tomato soup but not necessarily gin?

    Thanks,
    Nyggus
    Last edited by nyggus; 13-Aug-2007 at 18:31.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #2

    Re: A passage

    It's fluent, but I was rather puzzled by the combined drink of gin and tomato soup. You could avoid the confusion by saying "and the tomato soup..."

    Also, "his grandma used to quote".

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
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      • Poland
      • Current Location:
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    • Join Date: Jan 2006
    • Posts: 2,081
    #3

    Re: A passage

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    It's fluent, but I was rather puzzled by the combined drink of gin and tomato soup. You could avoid the confusion by saying "and the tomato soup..."

    Also, "his grandma used to quote".
    Thanks, Anglika. Frankly, in the first version it was "his grandma used to quote" but then I thought it should be changed to "had used to" as she's dead. Shouldn't in such case be "had used to"? Does it not suggest she's dead?


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #4

    Re: A passage

    Not really - used to does that just as well.

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