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  1. Fleur de mort

    Correct my story

    Unknown fiance
    I was about 15 years old, slim, short and stupid. I was playing with my sister when my mother came to me gladly. She hugged me and cried with some smiling. Actually I couldn't understand what is the matter with her. I tried to ask her but when I stared to ask her she seemed nervous. After two days she came to me and she said: I'd like to see you walking let me see. I laughed. Then she said: Do you know how to make(masqoof and kleejah)? I said no. suddenly I felt her hand pulls my ears and she said to me: you must to learn understand?. Oh OK mum. I had very child mind at that time. I learnt how to make some food and drinks. By the way she was very rigorous and sharp with me. She told me you have to know how to deal with them carefuly. I said OK mum.

    Thursday in the early evening. Some persons rung our bell. Then my sister run to open the door. I saw six fat women. They wear a very black veil. You can smell their bedouin perfume with a lot of eyeliner on their eyes. You can't find their lineament they are very bedouin women. Where is their eyes, mouth and nose I don't know. I feel scared of them I feel I'm in the horror movie. Every thing was fine until now. But when my mother came to me I felt I'm in the hell. She said: your aunts would like to see you my beautiful daughter. I said: Who is them I don't know them wha... I couldn't complete my sentence. My mother pulled my ear again and she said it's your future.

    I took some juice with me when I went to meet them. First I gave their mother one cup of juice. She glanced me strangely and she whispered to her daughter: she is too slim and she hasn't a long hair I don't think my son will agree to live with her. Her daughter said: No mum look at her hips. Her hips are very similar to... I gave her daughter one cup of juice.
    After I finished a distribution of juice my mother asked me to sit neer their mother. She was very fat and also I could not afford her smell. I sit near her. She started to touch my body strangely oh you are so slim girl have you made a diet or your family doesn't eat you. She kept her rub my body. suddenly she pulled my hair. She wanted to know if I have wearing peruke or something. I heard her daughter said: we can find a lot of girls beautiful more than her. I feel glad I hoped to say: Get out from my home.

    I was very silent and shy. Then their mother said: We'd like to watch her to our son. My son want to see her she said. My mother ululated. I couldn't say anything. Who I'm to say my opinion?
    saturday on the morning. They came back again. But this time my fiance with his ugly mother. He went to salon. I was watch him behind the door when my mother came and she said GO. My father didn't mind. He is like any sofa in our home. He is always listen to my mother's orders. My father said: Fatounah come here he is your man girl. I started crying. My mother try to push me inside to see him. Eventually I started steps timidly. My eyes was looking down when he said: You are so beautiful but why your body is slim like this? I couldn't look at him his sound like a goat or like a broken machine. Then I looked up. It's a big shock for me to see man like that man. He is relly terrible. I can't describe his scenery. He said sit down here baby. I said inside my self: BABY??. I'm never see you before how to say baby( I said in my self). He started to ask me which kind of food that you can make it. I said I can make masqood and kleejah well. He said: Oh great I love masqoof he said. He was about 23.

    After all that my mother came to me and she ask me my opinion. I said: Mum I didn't like him.
    My mother: Who are you to say that?
    me: Mum not only him but also his mother and his sisters I felt i'm a sheep. Especially when she touched me strangely. My mother seemed nervous and she said: He is your husband. whether you say yes or no he is your husband understand?
    I cried.
    But fortunately his mother called my mother later. And she said: Sorry your daughter is so slim, shy, silent and she hasn't a long hair. My son would like to get married to healthy and rotund girl.
    Now I can say I'll chose my husband by my mind and my emotion. Nobody can stop me.

    I'd like to show my story to my English teacher can you help me to check my mistakes?
    Last edited by Fleur de mort; 07-Sep-2007 at 00:45.

    • Join Date: Sep 2007
    • Posts: 3

    Re: Correct my story

    Hello, I try to improve my language, I like writting and hope if I will be a good writer. You made a great steps cause you begin to write, I have no experince to help you, but what I wnt to say is your story subject very nice, I like it, Write much in many subject it will improve your skill.

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