Korean people are so shy [do you mean shy? or nervous?] when they learn foreign language, and that is the reason that they are a poor linguist,[you have plural "they are" and singular "A poor linguist". They must agree] in spite of long learning [studying for a long time] And one of such a man who doesn’t give a thing a shot out of fear is me. So I think that it is one of evidences [the reasons] Koreans aren’t lenient [easy-going/relaxed/tolerant] about their errors.
I traveled in Thailand in 2005. We were fear[fearful/frightened] Because we were [it was our] first time to step on different country from [in another country than] Korea. When we arrived in the Chaosan load [what do you mean here?]that is called a traveler’s paradise, we were shocked, because people nearby began to approach and talk to us. We were so fear [frightened] and confused. First [Our/The first] day passed like that.
Next morning, we waked [woke] up early. It was early time yet to get up.[early and got up. So, there are [There were] almost no people in the street and there are just guys look scared sit in a circle on the ground [It is not clear what you mean - were there scared (frightened) men sitting in a circle? or were there "scary guys" - frightening men - sitting in a circle?]. The more [nearer] we got to them, we said to ourselves ‘Please, don’t talk to me. Don’t talk to me.’ However, when we were close to them, one of them got up with a jump and shouted “I like Korea!!” but we couldn’t reply. No matter how we go away from him, he went on crying [shouting]. ‘Stop it! Please!’ I thought trembling with fear. At that moment, my friend turned back abruptly and shouted, “Me too!!!” and he fell silent. The fear faded out and we burst out laughing. Maybe, since [Since] then our fear of English has disappeared and we try to speak English before people addressed ourselves [address us]. It didn’t matter whether we spoke English well or not. It was just interesting that we got an opportunity to speak English and attempting that.[delete - not required]
We learned important thing from this travel [trip/visit/holiday]. If we want to learn foreign languages we have to shake off the shyness. It is not important a grammars and pronunciations to communicate between people. most importantly, it is open mind and shining looks. Grammar and pronunciation are not vital in order to communicate with other people. More important are an open mind and relaxed view.
Student or Learner