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    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 18
    #1

    Formal offer essay

    Hi, I am writing an essay for my English class. I'd like to have some opinion about it. I guess you may understand the main idea without my explanation. Please, let me know if the message is clear.

    Dear Michael Whan
    IT-Solutions offer you a free-translation service which will able your open source plug-in reach to thousands of French Lang programmers.
    You only have to send us your product documentation and in a few days you will receive the link to our page with the French translation. We would appreciate that your documentation page linked to our translation section page.

    Feel free to contact us if you are interested in our service.

    Mail:
    Signature


    Thanks in advance
    Rodrigo


    • Join Date: Sep 2007
    • Posts: 1,153
    #2

    Re: Formal offer essay

    Dear Michael Whan
    [add a blank line for readability]
    IT-Solutions offers [IT-solutions is a company name - singular]you a free-translation service which will enable your open source plug-in to reach thousands of French Language programmers. You only have to send us your product documentation and in a few days you will receive the link to our page for the French translation.[The preceding sentence is part of the first paragraph...not a paragraph by itself]
    [add a blank line for readability]

    We would appreciate that your documentation page linked to our translation section page. Please [this is more polite] contact us if you are interested in our service.[I don't like the first sentence of this paragraph. I think you are trying to thank them for their potential business but I don't believe it should be said like this...you sound like you are begging for their business.

    You are looking for a nice way to complete your solicitation for business. Perhaps something like this would sound better.

    We believe that you will be very satisfied with the quality of our translations.

    That would be a more positive way of advertising your service. Save your appreciation for when they actually buy your service.

    Mail:
    Signature


    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 18
    #3

    Re: Formal offer essay

    Thank you very much Naamplao!

    Rodrigo

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