my life

[kumddadda]

When I was young I was an aggressive and enthusiastic child. Everybody was equal in my childhood and I glowed with pride. I aggressively tried many things. I sometimes succeeded, and I sometimes failed, but I never felt small. I was the leader of my peer group and I had many friends.

However, I found a shabby me as I advanced in years and I knew the world. Appearance, academic clique, financial ability and so on. Those things made me miserable. I was reluctant to give up such things. But I was feeling that those thoughts were wrong and I who clung to those things was disappointed in myself. And when I took a long look at myself, I found that I seriously lost confidence.

So I tried to become a good person or person who is called a nice man by other people. I would like to be a good person to everyone. But I became a man who lacked backbone. Next I would like to be a loved person by everyone. But I had broken heart in full of my mind unlike smiling and bright outward appearance. Considerate things I did for other people made me look ludicrously. And the wrong thoughtful things took greedy away from me. And also I wished to be a sincere person. So I treated people truly but that return to me as my weak point.

Suddenly, I thought. This was wrong. Obviously I was committing errors. I needed to find what I was doing wrong and what I was doing right. So I began to write a diary. I needed confidence. I needed passion. I thought the two will do. That way, I recovered myself through writing a diary.

While I have written a diary, I learned the way I can take care of me, strengthening my will and set up my sense of values. So, if someone has the same agony and is standing at the crossroads of life, I don’t hesitate and will say them, “search for your self!”

[RonBee]

When I was young I was an aggressive and enthusiastic child. Everybody was equal in my childhood and I glowed with pride. I aggressively tried many things. I sometimes succeeded, and I sometimes failed, but I never felt small. I was the leader of my peer group and I had many friends.

The word aggressive has definite negative connotations. I suggest spirited instead. In the second sentence, "Everybody was equal" doesn't really make sense to me. Perhaps: "I felt that I was the equal of anyone" would work better. (Or: "I felt that I was equal to anyone.")

However, I found a shabby me as I advanced in years and I knew the world.

Appearance, academic clique, financial ability and so on. Those things made me miserable.

I would say:

My appearance, academic cliques, and financial problems combined to make me miserable.

However, that doesn't go well with the rest of the sentences in that paragraph.

I was reluctant to give up such things. But I was feeling that those thoughts were wrong and I who clung to those things was disappointed in myself. And when I took a long look at myself, I found that I seriously lost confidence.

Try:

I was reluctant to give up such things. But I felt that those thoughts were wrong, and I was disappointed in myself. And when I took a long look at myself, I found that I seriously lost confidence.

[RonBee]

So I tried to become a good person or person who is called a nice man by other people. I would like to be a good person to everyone. But I became a man who lacked backbone. Next I would like to be a loved person by everyone. But I had broken heart in full of my mind unlike smiling and bright outward appearance. Considerate things I did for other people made me look ludicrously. And the wrong thoughtful things took greedy away from me. And also I wished to be a sincere person. So I treated people truly but that return to me as my weak point.

Try:

So I tried to become a good person--a person other people consider a nice man. I wanted to be a good person to everyone, but I became a man who lacked backbone. I wanted to be loved by everyone, but alth0ugh I was smiling on the outside, inside I was broken-hearted. Considerate things I did for other people made me look ludicrous. And also I wished to be a sincere person. So I treated people with sincerity, but that turned out to be my weak point.