Rather than re-writing your essay for you, I will offer a few suggestions for errors that you can easily correct.
* The word 'I' is ALWAYS upper-case (capitalized).
* The first word in a sentence is ALWAYS capitalized.
* Some of your sentences are too long and contain several different thoughts. Re-read your sentences and see if you can make them easier to understand. The use of simple sentences is recommended for individual who are in the earlier stages of learning English.
When you have corrected your essay, re-submit and we'll take another look at it.
Student or Learner