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    • Join Date: Nov 2007
    • Posts: 2

    Need Help Revising Paper

    Hi I'm not much of a writer no matter how hard I try. I can spend hours typing away at the computer and come out with a very mediocre at best essay that is quite bland in content. Could someone please help revise my paper. Make corrections tell me what my paper can use more. It it is a narrative I have to do from the point of view of a sailor aboard the santa maria during it's voyage to America.

    The New World

    I was burning up as I stood outside on the ships deck; I could feel the sun

    rays burning down on me. We have been on been on the ship for months only

    eating a constant diet of pickled or salted meat biscuits and dry cheese. I haven’t

    slept for days due to the constant rocking and swaying of the ship. I have kept

    busy operating on little or no sleep since 3 days ago. The living conditions are

    I often have to work 4 hour shifts pumping bilge by removing the water

    that remains below the ship as well as working the sails and checking the ropes

    and cargo. Many of my fellow crew members have grown weary and outraged at

    the job Columbus has done. I have also lost my patience and have grown tired of

    the promises Columbus has made already. He has told us time and time after

    again assuring us that we will acquire a huge some of profits and gold. Instead,

    we gave him a ultimatum by giving him 3 days to find land.

    Things changed and more people began to find more faith in Columbus as

    many crewmembers spotted countless objects in the water including a log, stick

    and plant that only grows on land which were all signs that pointed to land

    nearby. My body could no longer take this exhaustion and I decided to take a well

    deserved sleep. The next morning, I was awoken by aloud voice yelling. I woke

    up and jumped out of my hammock and ran as quick as possible to see what all

    the noise was all about. Finally, after walking up a flight of stairs, to my

    amazement I had finally seen land for the first time in many months. I was

    overjoyed with emotion probably more then Rodrigo de Triana himself who was

    set to gain ten thousand maravedis for spotting land!

    Soon enough, everyone got up to witness the beauty of the newly found

    land which was nothing I had ever seen before. The coastline was entirely made

    up of sand and exotic plants and mountains like none we had ever seen before As

    soon as we landed, we placed a giant Spanish flag and a cross (in the ground) and

    then we said a prayer to bless God for making our voyage, for the most part

    uneventful. The more we began to venture out, the more things we saw that made

    it evident that people lived there including a house made of tree branches and

    large sticks. However there was absolutely no one inside! We then trekked a little

    more finally encountering a group of people of darker complexion. As soon as we

    saw them, we finally had realized we had found the trade route to India that we

    were looking for months.

    We greeted them with a handshake. They all gawked and were in absolute

    awe to see us. They marveled at the ships of ours and the different clothes we

    wore as they were unclothed and naked. Many of them painted their whole bodies

    or faces with black or red paint. It was almost if they though we had sailed from

    the heavens.

    They presented us with gifts including parrots and cotton as well as

    food. We also gave them beads and string to make necklaces, which made them

    very pleased. They gladly accepted anything we gave them and then gave us

    something which we considered of more value in return. However, when we

    asked them where they got the gold earings which lay in their noses they were

    unfamiliar the route to where it was found. (They very quickly learned such words

    that are spoken to them).

    For the most part though we mostly communicated by using our hands and

    other gestures; we could tell they were very peaceful.(As they didn’t recognize

    the sword Columbus showed them and they cut themselves by grasping it through

    ignorance). It seemed also as if many of them didn’t have a religion and seeing

    how peaceful they are to us I think they would make good converts. It was getting

    dark out and many of us decided to get some rest. We carried on to our ships and

    decided to sleep.

    The next day we planned on exploring northward to see the rest of the

    island. We saw many villages with Indians on the coast. A old man swam out and

    went aboard our ship yelling, “Bring them water and victuals”. Many of them

    gave us food and water believing we came from the heavens as it evident they had

    never seen anyone or anything like us before. We then searched for gold based on

    the route the natives which we held captive told us.

    We then found the natives they were telling us about who wore gold

    bracelets and necklaces. They then gave us what they asked without any refusal.

    On October 21st we sailed one last time and set a anchor in the water. Many

    Natives saw us and ran in horror as it was obvious they have never seen

    something as unusual as us before. We then set on land which was abundant of

    trees and lakes. It reminded me a little of what it was like in Spain in the Spring

    time. Columbus was right this island was far more beautiful and exceeded the

    other islands that we saw.

    • Join Date: Nov 2007
    • Posts: 2

    Re: Need Help Revising Paper

    It was full of fruit and fertility of a wide array of plants. There we saw a

    aloe vera plant which we carried on our ship to preserve and bring back to Spain.

    One of the crewmembers found a snake and wielded it with his sword. We then

    saved the skin to bring back as well. The Indians, no longer in fear of us,

    advanced towards us and gave us many gifts.

    We then gave them glass beads in exchange. There we heard stories of

    riches being found to the east of us in a island they call Bohio. It was Christmas

    day and, after a long night’s rest, we sailed to this island, one of the only

    misfortunes we had during this whole trip occurred. When the ship I was on, the

    Santa Maria, went off course and hit a reef. It soon sunk and many of us fled to a

    island nearby and others aboarded the Nina.

    Columbus and I, and 37 other men aboard the Nina swam to the coast and

    settled there. Since the Nina couldn’t fit a whole crew of 40 on their ship. We

    built a fort and later called this place La Navidad which is “Christmas” in

    Spanish. The rest, including Columbus, sailed back to Spain and I and 30 others

    were left on the island to claim it for Spain.

    Steven Larson

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