a letter about the protection of the environment

[kimberly07]

Hello,
Could you please correct this letter for me? Thanks in advance.


A weekly magazine about the environment has invited readers to write to the editor, giving views about how government and individuals can cooperate to protect the global environment.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I'm writing to express my views on how government and civil society should join their efforts in order to grapple with environmental problems. Pollution and global warming are such enormous issues that they could not be tackled solely by government.The public must be the second front in the fight against climate change and environment contamination.

We already have such public watchdogs as Greenpeace and Friends of the Earth, which operate on an international scale. What I am concerned with is that there is a lack of public groups at a local level. Consumers are crying out for leadership. Local environmental organisations are especially needed to raise the general public's awareness of environmentally friendly choices available. These do not only include getting your domestic waste recycled, but also supporting "green" companies. For example, not every domestic household in my area is aware of the choice to buy "green energy" from an electricity firm. Informing consumers of these options could be one of the objectives of local groups. Moreover, individuals should be encouraged to save electricity by buying energy-efficient electric bulbs and electric appliances.

Apparently, these choices come at a considerable cost to consumers and that is where they need encouragement from the government and public groups. Additionally, the government may need to subsidise "green' goods and ensure that they are available in every area in place of energy-intensive products.

These actions can only be carried out effectively if public groups work in tandem with the government and local authorities. After all, the government does not only have funds, but also legal means to implement these policies. It also has the power to crack down on unscrupulous businesses with the help of individuals who can alert the authorities.

To sum up, there is a clear need for individuals to enhance their effort by forming local environmental groups. That could help us reach a much-needed solution, providing that the government pulls its weight too. Ultimately, it is individuals who will benefit from a better environment, and it is only fair that they should play a greater role in our struggle for it.

Yours faithfully,
Grace Jones

 

[David L.]

Dear Sir/Madam,

I'm writing to express my views on how government and (civil-omit )society should join efforts in order to grapple with environmental problems. Pollution and global warming are such enormous issues that they cannot be tackled solely by government.The public must be the second front in the fight against climate change and environmental contamination/contamination of the environment.

We already have such public watchdogs as Greenpeace, and Friends of the Earth, which operate on an international scale. What concerns me is the lack of public action groups at a local level. Consumers are crying out for leadership (is it leadership, or direction, or information ie are they crying out for information as to how they can help deal with issues such as global warming). Local environmental organisations are especially needed to raise public awareness of the environmentally-friendly choices available. These (do-omit) not only include having domestic waste recycled, but also supporting 'green' companies. For/As an example, not every domestic household in my area is aware of the choice available to buy "green energy" from an electricity company . Informing consumers of these options could be one of the objectives of local groups. In addition, individuals could be encouraged to save electricity by buying energy-efficient electric bulbs and electric appliances.
(use 'could' because you are using the conditional tense: if we had these groups, then we could...)

As it is, these choices come at a considerable cost to consumers, and that is where they need encouragement and support from the government and public groups: the government may need to subsidise 'green' goods and ensure that they are widely available in place of energy-intensive products.

These actions can only be carried out effectively if public groups work in tandem with the government and local authorities. It is the government which has the funds and the legitimate means to implement these policies. It is the government also which has the power to take action against any unscrupulous businesses that individuals might bring to the attention of the authorities.

To sum up, there is a clear need for individuals to enhance their effort by forming local environmental groups. That could help us reach a much-needed solution, providing that the government pulls its weight too. (OMIT)

In conclusion, I believe there is a clear need for individuals to coordinate their efforts by forming local environmental groups. Ultimately, it is these groups - indeed all citizens - who will benefit from a better environment, and it is only appropriate that they play a greater role in the struggle for this.

Grace: This is my draft. I should leave it posted and invite others to suggest alternatives, as there may be others who are very used to lobbying and know the lingo, the "speak" better than I.

 

[kimberly07]

Hello David,
Thank you very much for correcting my work. Your help is invaluable for me (it's a clumsy phrase, but I don't know how to express it better).