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    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 4

    Scholarship application essay: Please proofread and offer revision suggestions? :)


    I am applying for a scholarship. The essay needs to be under 500 words and this is the question:

    If you could take one entire year off from your responsibilities of school and/or work, how would you spend that year? Explain why you would make these choices.
    I am looking for any grammar corrections and other editing ideas such as awkward sentences. Also help with the title if you have any other suggestions.

    Thank you for looking :)


    A Year off to Study
    Many people dream of taking time off from their studies and responsibilities. Opportunities such as traveling around the world or gaining valuable family time could arise. However, if I were confronted with this type of situation, I know the time and funds would be spent to continue improving a skill that is very important to me: flying. My ultimate career goal is to become a professional airline pilot. Any amount of spare time and funding would be used to further continue my flight training. Many may choose to take a year off to embark on extravagant European vacations or Caribbean yacht charters but personally, a time period as generous as a year would definitely be used to refine my piloting skills so as to allow me to expedite the completion of my training and sooner begin my dream career.
    For several years, I have been fascinated by aviation. From the latest technological advances in aircraft to corporate changes and premiering aircraft entering a fleet, if it has anything to do about commercial aviation, I am completely interested. I discovered my dream to fly for an airline after many years of looking at pictures and videos of commercial airliners online; I realized I want to be a part of this industry and focus a large amount of my career being around commercial jets.
    I know my dream is obtainable through my dedication and good work ethic. Taking a year off of school would equate to more available flying hours. I would effectively use my time to learn as much about flying as I can. As the aviation flight program at Bridgewater State College is heavily demanding, the release of college’s academic pressure would allow me to be able to focus all of my studying power on flight concepts, and FAA required ground school courses.
    My idea of how to spend a year off may seem out of the ordinary to many, but I see it as a reflection of my determination to achieve my goals. My willingness to work shares a direct correlation with my love for commercial aviation. Although others may choose to take a leisurely break from their responsibilities, I would continue to do what is responsible for my success and best for my life in the long run. For these reasons, I would spend a year off from schooling concentrating on my flight training and studies which go along with it.

    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 4

    Re: Scholarship application essay: Please proofread and offer revision suggestions? :

    never mind, deadline is today

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