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    • Join Date: Dec 2007
    • Posts: 5
    #1

    Business Writing

    Good day, I'm from China. I'm seeking for assistance about business writing.
    I hope that I can know more words, or how can I learn more about this. I can only use the simple English.

    Recently, I change my position in my career. It need me to use English for daily communication. Welcome all the suggestion to make me improve. & pls advise if I use the wrong wording.

    Thanks
    Kejojo

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 57,815
    #2

    Re: Business Writing

    Often, simple English is the best English. Knowing more words does not necessarily lead to better language use, though it will aid comprehension. Knowing how to use words and which words to use is more important. Which area of business are you working in? I would start by reading texts related directly to your area to familiarise yourself with the jargon in use.


    • Join Date: Dec 2007
    • Posts: 5
    #3

    Re: Business Writing

    Dear Tdol,

    Should I call you "Tdol" ?? First of all tks for yr reply. I'm quite lack of confidence to speak & write in English. I'm seeking for somebody adjust my writing, since I always doubt of the words whether correct or not I used. Your words encourage me a lot.

    I'm working for shipping industry(Carrier), my duties sometimes need to clarify the schedule with member lines, & follow up the settlement.

    Is it possible I write down the essay that I'm ready to use to gain your comment??
    Pls let me know, & I found this is powerful wibsite.

    Thanks
    Kejojo

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

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    • Posts: 57,815
    #4

    Re: Business Writing

    Kejojo, call me Tdol or Richard (my real name). Feel free to put some writing up and we'll look at it.


    • Join Date: Dec 2007
    • Posts: 5
    #5

    Re: Business Writing

    Dear Tdol,

    I do really thanks for yr kindness. I'm going to submit a personal year-end evaluation to my boss(s). I hope I can perform positive or not bad on the evaluation. Would you pls provide me some wordings about this?? I was transferred to other dept for new job duties on 2nd half year, thus, my evalution will be evaluate by two managers(old & new boss). If I use my own words will be:-

    1) I'm satisfy myself on the 1st half year, & boss supported me a lot, that gained experience.
    2) On 2nd half 2007, position changed is the opportunity for me to work with diiferent job function. I suppose myself to improve the time manage, & increase the productiveties. (I felt quite negative )3) My pro.dioploma will be completed on Mar'08, & Bacholar will be considered for contiuing to strengthen my knowledge of our industry.


    Pls adjust me even the tone, voice, & wordings. Besides, quoted by yr reply on 7-Dec 08:39 ...///Which area of business are you working in? I would start by reading texts related directly to your area to familiarise yourself with the jargon in use.///... May I know how I can get those related info?? I found some related thread at the end of this page, are they the info you meant?? Pls also adv me.

    Appologize for so many question. Looking forward to yr reply.

    Kejojo


    • Join Date: Dec 2007
    • Posts: 5
    #6

    Re: Business Writing

    Hello, Tdol,

    Is there any problem?? I'm looking for yr reply. Please pls pls....

    Kejojo

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 57,815
    #7

    Re: Business Writing

    1) I'm satisfy myself on the 1st half year, & boss supported me a lot, that gained experience.

    I was satisfied with my performance in the first half year. My boss gave me a lot of support and I gained experience. (you said 'that gained', which I have changed- I assume that you gained the experience.)

    (However, this seems very vague to me; what experience did you gain? What type of support did you get and why did you feel satisfied?)

    2) On 2nd half 2007, position changed is the opportunity for me to work with diiferent job function. I suppose myself to improve the time manage, & increase the productiveties. (I felt quite negative )
    In the second half of 2007, I changed position and this required me to carry out different tasks, which gave me the opportunity to increase productivity and improve my time management.

    3) My pro.dioploma will be completed on Mar'08, & Bacholar will be considered for contiuing to strengthen my knowledge of our industry.
    3) I will complete my professional diploma in March 2008 and am looking into a Bachelor degree to strengthen my kowledge of the industry.
    (You say 'will be considered' and it is not entirely clear who will do the considering, so I have assumed that you are the one thinking about it. You use the passive a lot hedre and often the active is better as it is clearer who is doing what.)

    PS I come into the forum almost every day, but the time can vary according to my workload, so generally give me 24 hours to answer.


    • Join Date: Dec 2007
    • Posts: 5
    #8

    Exclamation Re: Business Writing

    Dear Tdol,

    After I pushed you, I found you've many answer fm other conversation, thus I knew you must be very busy Sorrry sorry ....

    Thanks a lot of yr useful comment . I tried to re-write my 1) sentence as below, please let me know if it is better now...

    1) I was satisfied with my performance in the first half 2007, I have reached my 2007 goal around 85%. My ex.boss gave me a lot of support in old department, that enriched me the operation knowledge in the industry. Also appreciated for her support in my position transfer.

    Another question that related to my job duties, I found discrepancy fm the info which sent by same company, but different people. If my question is...

    ... Thanks for yr info recently, as SIN of a vsl did not mention on your schedule, I supposed SIN omission. Moreover, I recevied seperated msg fm your good company by XXXX, that is stated SIN will be called as usual. Pls confirm the correct status by return....

    Apologized for many questions, because I'm always doubt of my wordings.

    Have a nice day

    Kejojo

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 57,815
    #9

    Re: Business Writing

    Quote Originally Posted by Kejojo View Post

    1) I was satisfied with my performance in the first half 2007, I have reached my 2007 goal around 85%. My ex.boss gave me a lot of support in old department, that enriched me the operation knowledge in the industry. Also appreciated for her support in my position transfer.
    If you reached the 95% in the first half, then the verb should be in the past:
    ...in which I managed 85% of the target for all of 2007
    old department- needs my/the
    that enriched me the operation knowledge in the industry - enriching my operational knowledge of the industry
    I also appreciated the support she gave when I changed positions

    Quote Originally Posted by Kejojo View Post
    ... Thanks for yr info recently, as SIN of a vsl did not mention on your schedule, I supposed SIN omission. Moreover, I recevied seperated msg fm your good company by XXXX, that is stated SIN will be called as usual. Pls confirm the correct status by return....
    I am writing to clarify SIN status; I have receievd one schedule that did not mention it and a separate message that stated that SIN would be called as usual. I would be grateful if you could confirm the correct status by return.

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