I am writing to complain about the recent musical concert which was organized by our local community and which I consider to have been a major failure.
To begin with, I was in awe of how inconsiderately the organizers scheduled the concert. The whole town had been informed of the imminent snowstorm two weeks before the date of the event and yet nothing was done in order to postpone it [it is unclear if you mean the snowstorm or the event] . In the end, the concert was held under sever weather conditions.
As far as safety measures were concerned, they were at the very least inadequate. The producers of the show used laser beam spots so as to make the event more spectacular. However, these lasers caused serious eye damage to the vast majority of the audience [Dangerous statement without evidence to back it - moderate it to "many of...". Moreover, the people standing on the front rows nearly suffocated during the smoke effects; five of them had to be hospitalized, and all of us got dry eyes.
To make matters worse, the absence of paramedic and rescue teams was no trivial matter. Especially considering the hazardous equipment used in the event, there should have been at least one rescue officer for every hundred people. The ones who got hurt and had to wait for the paramedics to take them to the hospital were lucky enough [delete = not necessary] to survive the concert.
I cannot apprehend [comprehend] why this concert got out of control since it had received a fair amount of publicity and was considered to be the biggest city attraction of the year. I would like you to inform me of you reasons why this production had passed health inspection ["safety regulations/inspections"] . At the very least, I would like for the councilors who were responsible for the organization of the event not only to answer to the authorities regarding their indifference to safety and rescue, but also to pay the medical bills for all the people who were sublethally [not a word - badly hurt is good enough] hurt and therefore had to be treated in a hospital.
I look forward to hearing from you.
I am afraid that yes, you are rather off topic by suggesting that actual physical damage occurred. It's not bad otherwise, so try rewriting and moderating the effects.
Student or Learner