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    #1

    Exclamation Is the sentence correct?

    The yellow wall stood, tall and proud behind the taffy, while the bright, multi-colored lollipops stood out, demanding attention from onlookers.

    Is this sentence correct??? Thanks!!


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #2

    Re: Is the sentence correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by Makaila View Post
    The yellow wall stood, tall and proud behind the taffy, while the bright, multi-colored lollipops stood out, demanding attention from onlookers.

    Is this sentence correct??? Thanks!!
    Welcome to the forums.

    "The yellow wall stood tall and proud behind...." OR "The yellow wall stood, tall and proud, behind..."


    You need to change one "stood" - two in the sentence is awkward. How about changing the first to "rose"? "The yellow wall rose, tall and proud, behind..."

    I think you can leave out "from onlookers". The sentence reads better without it.

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