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    • Join Date: Feb 2008
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    #1

    short story2 (correct it please)

    hi every body

    I would thank any one pass to previous thread and read my short story.

    now I have another to correct and to improve my writing skills:

    When I young, I had planing to become Doctor. So, I was studying hardly.
    After secondary school, I enter the test for small evaluation. But the degree was fall. It is bad for me >> but there are many major. I selected Computer science. I would say thank you god for every thing.

    thank you

  1. matilda
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    #2

    Re: short story2 (correct it please)

    When I young, I was planing to become a doctor. So, I wastudied hard.
    After secondary school, I passedthe test for small evaluation. But i failed because i didnt get the required degree. It is bad for me , but there are still some other jobs i can take,but I've chosen Computer science. I thank God for what he had given me

  2. Offroad's Avatar
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    • Join Date: Feb 2008
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    #3

    Re: short story2 (correct it please)

    "When I young" doesn't sound OK to me. Is it grammatically right? I thought it should be "When I was young" or "When I was a young person".

    Thanks in advance.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #4

    Re: short story2 (correct it please)

    Quote Originally Posted by ٌRawwaf View Post
    hi, everybody,
    I would thank any one pass to previous thread and read my short story.

    N
    ow I have another to correct and to improve my writing skills:

    When I young,[When I was young/When a child/When a boy/girl], I had planing [I wanted/I planned/I hoped] to become a doctor. So, I was studying hardly[So I studied hard].
    After secondary school, I entered the test for small evaluation.[evaluation as a medical student] But the degree was fall[I failed the test]. It is bad for me >> but there are many major.[I was sad/disappointed, but there are other subjects and I selected Computer science. I would say thank you, God for everything.

    Thank you
    .

  3. RonBee's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: short story2 (correct it please)

    Quote Originally Posted by marciobarbalho View Post
    "When I young" doesn't sound OK to me. Is it grammatically right? I thought it should be "When I was young" or "When I was a young person".
    You are right. It should be "When I was young". Thus, it should be:
    When I was young, I planned/hoped to become a doctor.


    • Join Date: Aug 2008
    • Posts: 40
    #6

    Re: short story2 (correct it please)

    When I young, I was planing to become a doctor. So, I wastudied hard.
    After secondary school, I passedthe test for small evaluation. But i failed because i didnt get the required degree. It is bad for me , but there are still some other jobs i can take,but I've chosen Computer science. I thank God for what he had given me

    correction -

    When I was young, I wanted to be a doctor, so I studied hard. I passed my secondary school exams but failed to achieve the required level. I felt bad about it but there were still some other career paths I could take and now I have chosen Computer Science. I thank God for what he has given me.

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