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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    1

    need help making this sentence read correctly

    My boss wants to use this sentence in a biographical profile. I told him the sentence doesn't read well and tried to explain why, but he doesn't understand my explanation. I would appreciate your help, and any suggestions for alternative wording. Thank you! "Mr. Smith is a frequent speaker on a variety of tax subjects, including a speech at the Annual Estate Planning Seminar at the Civic Center on the topic of estate planning for the terminally ill."

  2. #2
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
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      • English
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      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    2,931

    Re: need help making this sentence read correctly

    "Mr. Smith is a frequent speaker on a variety of tax subjects, including Annual Estate Planning and estate planning for the terminally ill."

    or

    "Mr. Smith is a frequent speaker on a variety of tax subjects, including estate planning for the terminally ill.

    or

    "Mr. Smith is a frequent speaker on a variety of tax subjects. He also presented a speech at the Annual Estate Planning Seminar at the Civic Center on the topic of estate planning for the terminally ill.

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