Yesterday I went to Pusan. Do you see why it has to be yesterday?
I went there with my dad and my dad’s friends. Okay.
I was so sad. Why? Because I missed my English class. I would keep these three lines together. it's informal and conversational to start with "Because" but may be okay in this context. People talk this way, but usully don't write this way in formal English. I was so sad because I missed my English class.
But it was very fun. Same comment - to start with "But" is conversational, not formal.
I left home at 6:30p.m and I arrived in Pusan at 11:10 p.m. The next day I got up at 8:00 in the morning.
We ate [don't use "the" here] thick beef soup and went to the MT [I don't know what this is] and Seorak and took a cable car.
It was very nice day. It's is never use for "it was."
[not a teacher]
Could you check it for me?
I'm bigginer of English.[/quote]
Student or Learner