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    • Join Date: Dec 2007
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    #1

    Could someone help me to write this paragragh better

    The best thing during my vocation is that my sister in law had new born.I had strong feeling because It was the frist time that I saw baby twins ,and they look a like .Maria and Jame are the frist twins in the family ,every one was happy .Their mama was tired ;we were worried about her .A few day later she got better ,so we celebrate our traditional party for the new born.It was interesting because I meet friends from my country that I didn't meet them for ages,I knew new friends,and i eat my favourite food that was preparde by my mother in law.On other hand ,Igot the chance to invite some friends that I want them to know about the tradition of my country.

    Thank you,

  1. banderas's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Polish
      • Home Country:
      • Poland
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
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    #2

    Re: Could someone help me to write this paragragh better

    Quote Originally Posted by flower 5 View Post
    The best thing during my vocation is that my sister in law had new born.I had strong feeling because It was the frist time that I saw baby twins ,and they look a like .Maria and Jame are the frist twins in the family ,every one was happy .Their mama was tired ;we were worried about her .A few day later she got better ,so we celebrate our traditional party for the new born.It was interesting because I meet friends from my country that I didn't meet them for ages,I knew new friends,and i eat my favourite food that was preparde by my mother in law.On other hand ,Igot the chance to invite some friends that I want them to know about the tradition of my country.

    Thank you,
    The most exciting experience during my holiday were new born babies of my sister-in-law. I feelt so happy because I saw twin babies for the first time in my life and they really looked alike. Maria and Jame are the first twins in our family therefore we all were very enthusiastic about them. Their mother was tired so we worried a bit. Fortunatelly a few days latter she got better and we trew our traditional family party for the new born. It was interesting as I met my old friends I did not see for ages. I also met some new friends and could taste my favourite meals which my mother-in-law prepared. On the other hand I got the chance to invite some friends from abroad to show them the beautiful babies celebrating tradition in my country.

    I did my best, hope English native speakers will correct me though.
    cheers


    • Join Date: Nov 2007
    • Posts: 5,409
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    #3

    Re: Could someone help me to write this paragragh better

    I did my best, hope English native speakers will correct me though.
    cheers
    Banderas


    You have passed the baton, so:

    The most exciting experience during my holiday was seeing the newborn babies of my sister-in-law.
    or
    The most exciting experience during my holiday was seeing my sister-in-law's newborn babies.

    (I feelt so happy because -omit)
    You have said it was exciting just a sentence or so ago, so it's sufficient just to tell us why you were excited.

    It was the first time in my life I had seen twin babies and they really did look alike. Maria and Jame are the first twins in our family so we were all very elated. Their mother was tired by the birth, which caused us some worry. Fortunately, a few days later/after a few days, she felt better and we threw our traditional family party for the new born. That was also interesting as I met (my-omit) old friends I had not seen for ages. I also made some new friends and got to taste my favourite meals which my mother-in-law prepared.
    On the other hand
    (This is an incorrect use of the expression in this context. Check out it's meaning and use in a dictionary.)

    I had
    (Use 'got' as sparingly as possible in your writings and speech. Note though that I just used it above in the colloquial 'got to'. lol))

    the chance to invite some friends from abroad to share in the traditional party celebrating beautiful babies in my country.
    Last edited by David L.; 21-Mar-2008 at 08:47.

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