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First, Members noted that Mr. Chan and Ms. Lee would be leave our company by the end of April; the chairman would like thanks of them for their valuables contributions to work in our China and Korea in the past years, and wishing them to enjoy their happy retiring time and good future. Second, welcome for our General Manager Mr. Chang was invited to our company from December 2007. He will succeed Ms. Chan as a ISO consultant.
Just some suggestions. Are these minutes of a meeting?
First, members noted that Mr. Chan and Ms. Lee will leave the company at the end of April; the chairman thanked them for their valuable contributions to our work in China and Korea over the past years, wished them all the best for the future and an enjoyable retirement. Second, we welcomedMr. Chang, who joined our company as General Manager in December 2007. He will succeed Ms. Chan as an ISO consultant.
you would better to write in this way:
members noted that Mr. Chan and Ms. Lee would leave our company by the end of April; the chairman is going to thank them for their honest contributions through working in our China and Korea agencies in the previous years and wish them a good future by enjoying their retirement.Second, welcome for our General Manager Mr. Chang who were invited to our company since December 2007.He will asign Ms. Chan as a ISO consultant.
Zoe - At the start of the text you refer to Mr Chan and Ms Lee; at the end you say Mr Chang will replace Ms Chan.