I totally botched my syntax exam today. Iíd be damned lucky to get 50% on it. Iíve never before botched an exam this badly. No, in fact, Iíve never botched an exam, period. B+ was the worst grade Iíve received and even then I had been very sick for nearly three weeks before I had the midterm. Usually itís As and A+s I see on my report card. I had four A+s and one A last semester, scoring 9.8 in average out of 10. Iím no genius Ė I just take my studies seriously and put in my (almost) best efforts. It was no different this time.
The 3rd year syntax course was especially difficult so I worked extra hard, paying close attention to the lecture, reading the textbook with sharpened concentration and really trying to understand the concepts. Before I botched my exam today, I had been doing well throughout the course, scoring 90% average on assignments and midterms Ė all those combined are worth 60 points, so 90% of that would be 54. If I scored 75% on todayís final, which in itself is a pretty bad grade, I still wouldíve ended up with 84 points, an A-.
The fact is that Iíll probably see either a B or C+ for the first time since I entered university. I donít know how it came down to this. The professor wasnít particularly good at explaining stuff, but he knew a LOT, tried his best and was available for questions, so I really canít blame him for this. Iíve tried hard. I thought I understood pretty much everything the course had to teach. When I saw the exam, however, I knew I was in trouble. I spent too much time on the first two questions, and I grew more and more anxious as the time ran out. By the time I only had 30 minutes left and couldnít finish half the exam (the exam was 3 hours), my mind started fading away and I couldnít understand the sentences written on the exam. I was zoning out. Feeling cornered, I scribbled some BS that didnít make any sense. A feeble attempt to salvage some points. But in the end, I knew I screwed up like I never did before.
Reality sinks in. Feeling all drawn out. Empty-headedness. Sense of failure. Fear of losing part of my scholarship. My pride as a straight-A student goes down to the drain. This is the first real failure Iíve tasted. It doesnít taste good.
Iím back home now. Iím still zoned out. I called Dad and delivered this disappointing news. He gave me a good mixture of lectures and encouragements. Iím sure heís disappointed. I wouldnít go so far as to say his lifeís purpose is to see me do well, but itís certainly one of the major forces that drive his old body to work crazy hours and go on. I canít disappoint him again.
If itís of any consolation for myself, I did some math and it turned out that I wonít lose any of my scholarship here at OttawaU no matter how low I sink in this class, because the grades from the last semester provide a good buffer and I did well on the other two exams. The remaining exams, Japanese and Philosophy, arenít much of a problem, although they have become more high-stake now that I've botched my syntax exam. I may or may not lose part of the scholarship for my summer school in Korea, though, as I need a GPA of 3.8 or higher and Iíll sink below 3.8 if I end up with a C+.
I was going to eat something nice, play Star Ocean: The Second Story and go to bed early, but Iím going to dig the philosophy textbook instead. $500 is a lot of money to lose. Thatís about 45 Shawarma dishes. Get a load of that.
Sorry you've had a bad experience - but a good night's sleep and you'll find things aren't so bad as you feel at present. Perhaps you can analyse what went wrong and use it to avoid doing the same thing again in future.
Student or Learner