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    #1

    write in better English

    Dear teachers,

    Would you please correct my English?

    QUESTION:
    How does the writer fight the negative effects of confinement?

    ANSWER:

    a) To fill in himself (?) the void / vacuum caused by loneliness & the sense of uselessness, the writer [WHAT IS BEST?]
    - establishes to himself a discipline / sets himself a discipline that he follows everyday (?)
    - makes it a rule / lays it down as an absolute rule to follow a regular set of tasks (?)
    such as ① waking up early, ② keeping his room clean & tidy, ③ keeping fit, ④ working as a baker, ⑤ participating in the production / planning of / setting up radio programmes (?), ⑥ writing and reading.

    OR

    b) To break up the monotony, to forget about the prison world & not to sink into despair, the writer does not let himself go, ① he pays attention to his appearance (keeps fit & clean), ② keeps informed (listens to the news & reads), ③ keeps busy & make himself useful & productive (works in the bakery and sets up radio programmes), and ④ keeps in touch / stays connected with the outside world by corresponding with his acquaintances (family & friends ?) / relations.

    OR ELSE

    c) To forget that his is incarcerated / secluded, the writer establishes himself a certain discipline in his everyday routine. With a clocklike regularity he wakes up early in the morning to tidy up his room and exercise, then goes to work at the bakery till noon.
    He tries to be physically fit and mentally sound perhaps to prepare himself to the real world once he is out.

    Thanks a million,
    Hela
    Last edited by hela; 21-Apr-2008 at 14:13.

  1. bhaisahab's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: write in better English

    Hi, This looks good to me, I just added an s to make.
    b) To break up the monotony, to forget about the prison world & not to sink into despair, the writer does not let himself go, ① he pays attention to his appearance (keeps fit & clean), ② keeps informed (listens to the news & reads), ③ keeps busy & makes himself useful & productive (works in the bakery and sets up radio programmes), and ④ keeps in touch / stays connected with the outside world by corresponding with his acquaintances (family & friends ?) / relations.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #3

    Re: write in better English

    Quote Originally Posted by hela View Post
    Dear teachers,

    Would you please correct my English?

    QUESTION:
    How does the writer fight the negative effects of confinement?

    ANSWER:

    a) To fill the void / vacuum [either is fine] caused by loneliness & the sense of uselessness, the writer [WHAT IS BEST?]
    - establishes for himself a discipline
    - makes it a rule / lays it down as an absolute rule to follow a regular set of tasks [either is fine]
    such as ① waking up early, ② keeping his room clean & tidy, ③ keeping fit, ④ working as a baker, ⑤ participating in the production / planning of / setting up of radio programmes [any of these are fine], ⑥ writing and reading.

    OR

    b) To break up the monotony, to forget about the prison world & not to sink into despair, the writer does not let himself go. He ① pays attention to his appearance (keeps fit & clean), ② keeps informed (listens to the news & reads), ③ keeps busy & makes himself useful & productive (works in the bakery and sets up radio programmes), and ④ keeps in touch / stays connected with the outside world by corresponding with his acquaintances (family & friends ?) / relations.

    OR ELSE

    c) To forget that he is incarcerated, the writer establishes for himself a certain discipline in his everyday routine. With clocklike regularity he wakes up early in the morning to tidy up his room and exercise, then goes to work at the bakery till noon. He tries to be physically fit and mentally sound in order to prepare himself for his return to the real world once he has served his term/sentence.

    Thanks a million,
    Hela
    .

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    #4

    Re: write in better English

    Hello teachers,

    In the same context I'd like to know what you would say:

    1) to practise sport / sports / sporting activities?
    What's the difference between the 3 words, please?

    2) The programs are monitored from the radio room. The radio schedule is made up by the radio committee, of which I am a member.

    How would you explain "monitored" here: controlled, operated, checked, managed, directed, broadcasted (?) / something else?

    3) From noon, I am free until 3:20, the evening mandatory lockup, when we are required, again, to stand before our cell doors to be counted.

    "lockup" = confinement, internment, detention, incarceration, enclosure ?
    = the moment prisoners are kept under lock & key // shut / confined in their cells / something else ?

    4) In the following sentence the word "epitomize" doesn't fit, I'm sure. What should I use instead? The writer compares the joy of receiving mail to the merriment one feels (correct English ??) at Christmas time.

    "Christmas epitomizes the joy the writer feels when he is about to receive a letter."
    Is "epitomize" a synonym of "symbolize"? But neither fits here.

    Many thanks,
    Hela
    Last edited by hela; 23-Apr-2008 at 06:53.


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    #5

    Re: write in better English

    Quote Originally Posted by hela View Post
    Hello teachers,

    In the same context I'd like to know what you would say:

    1) to practise sport / sports / sporting activities?
    What's the difference between the 3 words, please? Nothing. Usually, though, one takes part in sport.

    2) The programs are monitored from the radio room. The radio schedule is made up by the radio committee, of which I am a member.

    How would you explain "monitored" here: controlled, operated, checked, managed, directed, broadcasted (?) / something else?
    To monitor something means to keep a check on its progress

    3) From noon, I am free until 3:20, the evening mandatory lockup, when we are required, again, to stand before our cell doors to be counted.

    "lockup" = confinement, internment, detention, incarceration, enclosure ?
    = the moment prisoners are kept under lock & key // shut / confined in their cells / something else ? The prisoners are required to be at their cells at this time in order that the warders can be check on them, and presumably they are then locked into the cells for the night.

    4) In the following sentence the word "epitomize" doesn't fit, I'm sure. What should I use instead? The writer compares the joy of receiving mail to the merriment one feels (correct English ??) at Christmas time.

    "Christmas epitomizes the joy the writer feels when he is about to receive a letter."
    Is "epitomize" a synonym of "symbolize"? But neither fit here.

    I think it is ok.
    "epitomize" = to be a perfect example of something

    Many thanks,
    Hela
    .

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    #6

    Re: write in better English

    Good morning Anglika,

    1) Can we say "to do/practise gymnastic exercises/physical movements" ?

    3) I don't understand this structure, would you please explain it to me?
    The prisoners are required to be at their cells at this time in order that the warders can be check on them, and presumably they are then locked into the cells for the night.
    4) So the sentence "Christmas epitomizes the joy the writer feels when he is about to receive a letter" is correct ?

    Here is another paragraph, if you wouldn't mind:

    To palliate/alleviate/mitigate the distress caused by detention, the writer endeavours to follow a personal routine that is not imposed by the custodial XXX (I mean the management), which might give him a sense of freedom / make him feel as if he were not imprisoned but rather leading a normal life.

    What do you think of the whole passage, please?

    Thanks
    Last edited by hela; 23-Apr-2008 at 07:53.


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    #7

    Re: write in better English

    Quote Originally Posted by hela View Post
    Good morning Anglika,

    1) Can we say "to do/practise gymnastic exercises/physical movements" ? You can certainly practice gymnastic exercises/physical movements, but that will carry the meaning that you are repeating these in order to become skilled at them. "I do gymnastics/gymnastic exercises" is acceptable. "I do physical movements" is meaningless since all movement is physical movement.


    3) I don't understand this structure, would you please explain it to me? Sorry sorry sorry - late night typing so "be" crept in. Ignore it. "...the warders can check on them...

    4) So the sentence "Christmas epitomizes the joy the writer feels when he is about to receive a letter" is correct ? It's seems fine to me.

    Here is another paragraph, if you wouldn't mind:

    To palliate/alleviate/mitigate the distress caused by his detention, the writer endeavours to follow a personal routine that is not imposed by the custodial XXX (I mean the management)his custodians, which might give gives him a sense an illusion of freedom / makes him feel as if he were not imprisoned but rather leading a normal life.

    What do you think of the whole passage, please? It needs a little tweaking, but is essentially ok. I've indicated some changes you might like to consider.

    Thanks
    .

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    #8

    Re: write in better English

    Good afternoon, Anglika

    Thank you very much for your patience

    So "to practice (= practise ?) gymnastic exercises" is used for sportsmen / gymnasts, and "to do gymnastic exercises" is used for people like me who workout just to be healthy?

    Is the word "slammer" an informal equivalent of "lockup"?

    See you


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    #9

    Re: write in better English

    Quote Originally Posted by hela View Post
    Good afternoon, Anglika

    Thank you very much for your patience

    So "to practice (= practise ?) gymnastic exercises" is used for sportsmen / gymnasts, and "to do gymnastic exercises" is used for people like me who workout just to be healthy? Seems a fair situation!

    Is the word "slammer" an informal equivalent of "lockup"? Yes, a slang word for prison.

    See you

  2. BobK's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: write in better English

    Arriving rather late: "slammer" (presumably so-called because of the doors slamming) reminds me of another synonym for 'confined to their cells' - quite informal, but it has been used in speeches at Westminster: "banged up". An MP might ask: "Can it be right, in the 21st century, for prisoners on remand [that is, not convicted for anything yet] should be banged up for 23 hours a day and allowed out of their cells for barely an hour of so-called 'exercise'?"

    b

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