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  1. Unregistered
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    #1

    Help With This Sentence ASAP Please!

    If someone could please help me with the two 'sentences' below I would greatly appreciate it. I know they are fragments. I'm using them as bulleted points on my resume. I need help wording them so that they are grammatically correct. Thanks in advance!

    Sentence 1:
    "Monitored regional lakes and streams for the Department of Environmental Quality, collecting and analyzing samples for temperature, pH, alkalinity, conductivity, fecal coliform, nitrogen, phosphorus, turbidity, total suspended solids, and chlorophyll."
    **Is the change of tense incorrect? A friend suggested I change 'Monitored' to 'Monitoring' or change 'collecting and analyzing' to 'collected and analyzed', but I like the way it reads as is. Is there anyway to use punctuation to make it grammatically correct?

    Sentence 2:
    "Solid educational background established excellent report development and writing skills, and includes courses in Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Aquatic Ecology and Biology."

    **Problem with tense again? Will changing 'includes' to 'included' make the sentence correct?
    **A friend suggested I change it to "Solid educational background established excellent report development and writing skills AS WELL AS courses in Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Aquatic Ecology, and Biology.", but I don't think that's right because it says that my educational background established courses in chemistry, ect. I want the sentence to communicate that my educational background established report writing skills and included courses in chemistry, ect.


    • Join Date: Apr 2008
    • Posts: 21
    #2

    Re: Help With This Sentence ASAP Please!

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    If someone could please help me with the two 'sentences' below I would greatly appreciate it. I know they are fragments. I'm using them as bulleted points on my resume. I need help wording them so that they are grammatically correct. Thanks in advance!

    Sentence 1:
    "Monitored regional lakes and streams for the Department of Environmental Quality, collecting and analyzing samples for temperature, pH, alkalinity, conductivity, fecal coliform, nitrogen, phosphorus, turbidity, total suspended solids, and chlorophyll."
    **Is the change of tense incorrect? A friend suggested I change 'Monitored' to 'Monitoring' or change 'collecting and analyzing' to 'collected and analyzed', but I like the way it reads as is. Is there anyway to use punctuation to make it grammatically correct?

    Sentence 2:
    "Solid educational background established excellent report development and writing skills, and includes courses in Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Aquatic Ecology and Biology."

    **Problem with tense again? Will changing 'includes' to 'included' make the sentence correct?
    **A friend suggested I change it to "Solid educational background established excellent report development and writing skills AS WELL AS courses in Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Aquatic Ecology, and Biology.", but I don't think that's right because it says that my educational background established courses in chemistry, ect. I want the sentence to communicate that my educational background established report writing skills and included courses in chemistry, ect.
    Sentence 1:
    (Bullet one) "Monitored regional lakes and streams for the Department of Environmental Quality, collecting and analyzing samples for temperature, pH, alkalinity, conductivity, fecal coliform, nitrogen, phosphorus, turbidity, total suspended solids, and chlorophyll."
    Good. Don't change anything. Your use of past and present works well. Would sound awkward with "collected and analyzed."
    Sentence 2:
    (Bullet two) "Solid educational background established excellent report development and writing skills, and includes courses in Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Aquatic Ecology and Biology."
    Would rephrase like this:
    (Bullet three) "Solid educational background, including courses in Chemistry, Organic Chemistry, Aquatic Ecology and Biology."
    (Bullet four) "Well-established report development and writing skills."
    Thanks!
    PS: Etc. (For Latin et cetera, and the rest)

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