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    #1

    rephrasing a confusing sentence

    "Hundreds of police officers from all over Ontario – along with family and friends – gathered to honour and remember their colleagues killed in the line of duty at Queen's Park Sunday."

    hi,

    please, do you think this sentence has a dubious interpretation? isn't it clearer if it's rephrased like the following one?

    "Hundreds of police officers from all over Ontario – along with family and friends – gathered at Queen's Park on Sunday to honour and remember their colleagues killed in the line of duty."


    the way it was originally written it appears that officers have been killed at Queen's Park on Sunday, but it was only the ceremony what actually happened at that place and date.

    thanks.
    Last edited by jctgf; 05-May-2008 at 01:04.

  1. RonBee's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: rephrasing a confusing sentence

    I don't think the sentence has a dubious interpretation. Indeed, it needs no interpretation. It is not confusing and does not need to be rephrased. (However, your alternative is perfectly fine.) Nobody is going to think that the police officers were killed in the line of duty on a day in the future.

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    #3

    Re: rephrasing a confusing sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by jctgf View Post
    "Hundreds of police officers from all over Ontario along with family and friends gathered to honour and remember their colleagues killed in the line of duty at Queen's Park Sunday."

    hi,

    please, do you think this sentence has a dubious interpretation? isn't it clearer if it's rephrased like the following one?

    "Hundreds of police officers from all over Ontario along with family and friends gathered at Queen's Park on Sunday to honour and remember their colleagues killed in the line of duty."


    the way it was originally written it appears that officers have been killed at Queen's Park on Sunday, but it was only the ceremony that actually happened at that place and date.

    1...You are right! (assuming that you are sure that the officers were not killed at Queen's Park on Sunday)

    2...There is another ambiguous part, which is "along with family and friends". That phrase can be interpreted as being the family and friends of the officers who gathered at Queen's Park, but it (almost certainly) means the family and friends of the dead colleagues. So I would rewrite the sentence as follows.

    Hundreds of pollice officers from all over Ontario, along with family and friends of their fallen colleagues, gathered at Queens Park on Sunday to honor and remember their colleagues killed in the line of duty.

    "fallen" is a euphemism for dead and is often used for military people, police and firemen killed in the line of duty.







    thanks.
    2006

  2. RonBee's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: rephrasing a confusing sentence

    Re:
    "Hundreds of police officers from all over Ontario along with family and friends gathered to honour and remember their colleagues killed in the line of duty at Queen's Park Sunday."

    I made a mistake in my original post. The sentence is, of course, entirely in the past tense.

    Re:
    "Hundreds of police officers from all over Ontario along with family and friends gathered at Queen's Park on Sunday to honour and remember their colleagues killed in the line of duty."
    That is a better sentence.


    Even better perhaps:
    Hundreds of pollice officers from all over Ontario, along with family and friends of their fallen colleagues, gathered at Queens Park on Sunday to honor and remember Ontario police killed in the line of duty.
    Is the original really confusing? I guess that depends on the reader. Also remember that the sentence may have been more easily understood in its original context. (Note that every reporter has deadlines to meet and that every story has space limitations.)

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    #5

    Re: rephrasing a confusing sentence

    hi,
    I am just a student but I agree with 2006. I couldn't find the original article anymore and, as far as I can remember, this is the first paragraph.
    Thanks.

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