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    #1

    Temple

    Hi, teachers, pls help to correct the essay with some key words required in the English book what I am learning by myself. I am also unable to understand the highlighted word---on----in the phrase what the book given, Thanks

    After walking around the ancienty city, the archaeologists spotted a temple dating from the fifteenth century B.C. and then decided to explore this temple.
    As the explore progressing, archarologists found a sacred room of this temple, on entering the sacred room, the archaeologists saw some fragments of some statues on the ground, after this, workman began digging and soon discovered a body of one statue. The archaeologists reconstructed the fragments carefully, they were astonished to find that it was the goddess, the goddess stood three feet high and rested her hands on her hips, she was wearing a full-length skirt which swept the floor, despite her great age, she is graceful. Although the archaeologists looked up some Bibles, they were unable to find out her name.

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    #2

    Re: Pls help to correct my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by wuwei View Post
    Hi, teachers, pls help to correct the essay with some key words required in the English book what I am learning by myself. I am also unable to understand the highlighted word---on----in the phrase what the book given,
    Please restate that.

    Quote Originally Posted by wuwei View Post
    After walking around the ancienty city, the archaeologists spotted a temple dating from the fifteenth century B.C. and then decided to explore this temple.
    That's okay, but "the temple" would be better.

    Quote Originally Posted by wuwei View Post
    As the explore progressing, archarologists found a sacred room of this temple, on entering the sacred room, the archaeologists saw some fragments of some statues on the ground, after this, workman began digging and soon discovered a body of one statue.
    Rewrite that as three sentences.

    Quote Originally Posted by wuwei View Post
    The archaeologists reconstructed the fragments carefully, they were astonished to find that it was the goddess, the goddess stood three feet high and rested her hands on her hips, she was wearing a full-length skirt which swept the floor, despite her great age, she is graceful.
    Rewrite that as four sentences.

    Quote Originally Posted by wuwei View Post
    Although the archaeologists looked up some Bibles, they were unable to find out her name.
    Rewrite that so it makes sense.

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    #3

    Re: Pls help to correct my essay

    What would be a better title for this one?



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    #4

    Re: Pls help to correct my essay

    Quote Originally Posted by wuwei View Post
    Hi, teachers, pls help to correct the essay with some key words required in the English book what I am learning by myself. I am also unable to understand the highlighted word---on----in the phrase what the book given, Thanks
    Hi, could you pls tell me why 'on' was used in the phrase 'on entering the sacred room', the phrase was given by an English book writer.
    After walking around the ancienty city, the archaeologists spotted a temple dating from the fifteenth century B.C. and then decided to explore the temple.
    As the explore progressing, archarologists found a sacred room of this temple, on entering the sacred room, the archaeologists saw some fragments of some statues on the ground, after this, workman began digging and soon discovered a body of one statue.
    [As the explore progressing, archaeologists found many fragments of statues on the ground. After workman's digging, they also discovered a body of one statue.]
    The archaeologists reconstructed the fragments carefully, they were astonished to find that it was the goddess, the goddess stood three feet high and rested her hands on her hips, she was wearing a full-length skirt which swept the floor, despite her great age, she is graceful.
    [The archaeologists were astonished to find that the statue was a goddess when they tried to reconstruct the fragments carefully. The goddess stood three feet high with a full-length skirt which swept the floor and rested her hands on her hips. Despite her great age, she was graceful.]
    Although the archaeologists looked up some Bibles, they were unable to find out her name.
    [The archaeologists looked up some Bibles to try to find the name of the statue, but they failed. Till now, the name is still a puzzle.]
    I have rewrited it, pls correct again,Thanks
    Last edited by wuwei; 12-May-2008 at 06:13.

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    #5

    Re: Temple

    Say:
    I have rewritten it. Please offer additional corrections.
    (I have changed the title to something appropriate to the subject matter.)



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    #6

    Re: Temple

    Thanks!
    Could you pls offer additional corrections for my rewritten essay? and could you pls tell me something about 'on' in the phrase?

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    #7

    Re: Temple

    Re:
    Hi, teachers, pls help to correct the essay with some key words required in the English book what I am learning by myself.
    Perhaps:
    Please help me correct the mistakes in the essay using some key words in the English book I am studying.

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    #8

    Re: Temple

    Re:
    After walking around the ancienty city, the archaeologists spotted a temple dating from the fifteenth century B.C. and then decided to explore the temple.
    As the explore progressing, archarologists found a sacred room of this temple, on entering the sacred room, the archaeologists saw some fragments of some statues on the ground, after this, workman began digging and soon discovered a body of one statue.
    Try:
    After walking around the ancient city, the archaeologists spotted a temple dating from the fifteenth century B.C. and then decided to explore the temple. As the exploration progressed the archaeologists found a sacred room of this temple. Upon entering the sacred room, the archaeologists saw some fragments of some statues on the ground. Soon after that, the workmen began digging, and they soon discovered the body of a statue.
    You can't separate "on" from the rest of the phrase.
    on (upon) entering the sacred room = when they entered the sacred room




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    #9

    Re: Temple

    Re:
    The archaeologists reconstructed the fragments carefully, they were astonished to find that it was the goddess, the goddess stood three feet high and rested her hands on her hips, she was wearing a full-length skirt which swept the floor, despite her great age, she is graceful.
    Perhaps:
    The archaeologists reconstructed the fragments carefully. They were astonished to find that it was the goddess. The goddess stood three feet tall and rested her hands on her hips. She was wearing a full-length skirt which swept the floor. Despite her great age, she is graceful.
    Even though they were hoping to find her, they were surprised to find the statue called the goddess.


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    #10

    Re: Temple

    Re:
    Although the archaeologists looked up some Bibles, they were unable to find out her name.
    Say:
    Although the archaeologists looked up her name in some Bibles, they were unable to find it.
    ~R

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