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  1. new2grammar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Punjabi
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • India

    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 880
    #1

    Any changes required here?

    Dear ABC,

    Balmain watches, part of the world’s largest watchmaking conglomerate, the Swatch Group, brings to you an irresistible offer…

    With 100% guaranteed returns, this will make it to your must – do investment plans for the year.

    And as a value addition exclusively for you, this piece of art, an extension of Pierre Balmain’s magnificient haute couture, comes with the added benefit of an enchanting DIAMOND PENDANT; flaunt the irresistible combination in your board meetings, when you have to impress that special someone, or gift it to your better half when you have been away at work. It is tested for positive returns.

    With no further delay, grab the premium opportunity before it lapses


    Kindly let me know if there is any better way to write this

    Thanks in advance
    Last edited by new2grammar; 13-May-2008 at 08:05.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #2

    Re: Any changes required here?

    Quote Originally Posted by new2grammar View Post
    Dear ABC,

    Balmain Watches, part of the world’s largest watchmaking conglomerate, the Swatch Group, is making you an irresistible offer…

    With 100% guaranteed returns, this will make it to your must – do investment plans for the year. it will become part of your must-have investment plans for the year.

    And as an added value exclusively for you, this piece of art, an extension of Pierre Balmain’s magnificent haute couture, comes with the added benefit of an enchanting DIAMOND PENDANT; flaunt the irresistible combination in your board meetings, when you have to impress that special someone, or give it to your better half to show your love.

    It is tested for positive returns. [????]


    Take the opportunity before it vanishes.


    Kindly let me know if there is any better way to write this

    Thanks in advance
    .

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