Describe a famous figure that you admire most

[linhtho0211]

Everyone has his own idol. And for me, that idol is a very famous figure – Bill Gates. This is simply because he is too brilliant not to admire.
First, his background is really ….(Please help me to find this word) Born in a wealthy family, Gates had many advantages to develop his talents. At the early age of 14, he took an interest in programming and began studying it. He was also such an intelligent student that he scored 1590 out of 1600 on his SATs and subsequently enrolled at Harvard College in 1973. However, he decided to leave after 2 years at college to develop his own business - a software company.
But that is nothing compared with his achievements. He is the one who made a turning-point for Information technology to develop so strongly today. He wrote Altair Basic program, completed Microsoft … which is indispensable for every computer now. Moreover, he has been one of the richest people with $59 billions in 2007 as well as one of the most influential people in the world. He and his wife are also very philanthropic when giving away a big deal to charitable organizations.
Finally, when most of other famous figures usually have messy lives with scandals, Gates doesn’t. His personal life is a happy and peaceful one. He has a beautiful wife, two princesses and a clever son. Say, he’s very lucky.
So, in short, there may be many other excellent figures, Bill Gates is always the one I love and admire most. He is my target to strive for.

That's my essay. Please help me to improve it. Thank you very much

 

[Anglika]

Everyone has his own idol. And for me, that idol is a very famous figure – Bill Gates. This is simply because he is too brilliant not to admire.
First, his background is really ….(Please help me to find this word)privileged. Born into a wealthy family, Gates had many advantages to develop his talents [omit] At the early age of 14, he took an interest in programming and began studying it. He was also such an intelligent student that he scored 1590 out of 1600 on his SATs and subsequently enrolled at Harvard College in 1973. However, he decided to leave after 2 years at college to develop his own business - a software company.

But that is nothing compared with his achievements. He is the one who created a turning-point for Information Technology to develop so strongly today. He wrote the Altair Basic program, completed Microsoft … which is indispensable for every computer now. Moreover, he has been one of the richest people with a quoted worth of $59 billions in 2007 as well as being one of the most influential people in the world. He and his wife are also very philanthropic, contributing large amounts to charitable organizations.

Finally, when most of other famous figures usually have messy lives with scandals, Gates doesn’t. His personal life is a happy and peaceful one. He has a beautiful wife, two daughters and a clever son. You could say he is very lucky.

So, in short, there may be many other excellent figures, but Bill Gates is always the one I love and admire most. He is my role model.

That's my essay. Please help me to improve it. Thank you very much

.

 

[linhtho0211]

Thanksssssssssss so much for your help!!!