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  1. new2grammar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Punjabi
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • India

    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 880
    #1

    Writing practice para - 3

    Dr. Rajesh Talwar who was arrested on Friday for allegedly killing his 14-year-old daughter and domestic help will be seeking bail today.

    His lawyer had filed two applications in the court. First, stating that Dr. Rajesh Talwar is asthma patient so he needs proper medical treatment. Second, is for bail, since the Police do not have any prima facie evidence against him.

    On the other hand even the police had moved the court for seeking Dr. Rajesh custody. All the applications will come up for hearing today at a Noida court.

    It would be interesting to see what stand court will take today. Although the police is saying that Dr. Rajesh is the prime suspect but they are lacking evidence for the same.

    Kindly check for grammar errors and please tell me how much you will rate me on the scale of 10 points for my writing style but with honestly


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 15
    #2

    Re: Writing practice para - 3

    Dr. Rajesh Talwar, who was arrested on Friday for allegedly killing his 14-year-old daughter and a domestic worker, will be seeking bail today.

    In his first application to the court, his lawyer stated that Dr. Talwar is an asthmatic who needs proper medical treatment. Dr. Talwar's second application was for bail since the police do not have prima facie evidence against him.

    The police had moved the court for seeking custody of Dr. Rajesh. All applications will come up for hearing today at a Noida court.

    It will be interesting to see what stand the court will take today. Although the police are saying that Dr. Rajesh is the prime suspect they lack evidence for the same.

    It is well-written in general, with some unclear and maybe awkwardly constructed sentences. For the most part it was understandable. Are you writing this as part of a journalism assignment? In any case, I'd say good work and keeping writing!


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #3

    Re: Writing practice para - 3

    Dr. Rajesh Talwar, who was arrested on Friday for allegedly killing his 14-year-old daughter and a domestic worker, will be seeking bail today.

    In his first application to the court, his lawyer stated that Dr. Talwar is an asthmatic who needs proper medical treatment. Dr. Talwar's second application was for bail since the police do not have prima facie evidence against him.

    The police had moved the court to allow them to retain custody of Dr. Rajesh. All applications will come up for hearing today at a Noida court. [The name of a place? or of a specific type of court? if the name of a place, then no article]

    It will be interesting to see what stand the court will take today. Although the police are saying that Dr. Rajesh is the prime suspect, they lack evidence to back this.

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