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      • China

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    #1

    please correct my mistakes!

    topic:
    International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year.



    In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified?
    • You should write at least 250 words.
    • You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
    • You should give reasons for your answer using your own ideas and experience.
    My writing:

    I'd like to say yes to the justification of huge earnings made by the international entertainers or sports personalities. Obviously, they aren't paid for nothing. Instead, to get where they are, they all have struggled earnestly along the way. With their outstanding talents and skills, most of them have become the role models of our society. People all over the world are entertained, excited or inspired by their performance. In return, they are rewarded with large sums of money by companies using their images to promote products. Just like we get salaries in exchange for what we do for our bosses, these famous personalities get their huge earnings by selling their extraordinary fames. Chances are that the profits they help the companies to make usually outweigh the huge earnings they get.So, there is no point in arguming against their huge earnings.After all, this is how business is done in a free market.

    It sounds ridiculous to me if anyone tries to balance their huge earnings with the widespread poverty of the world. After all, people are not made poor because the brilliant international entertainers or sports personalities are well paid ! Instead, I know many international entertainers and sports personalities are at the same time generous donators in the poor areas. Instead of becoming green-eyed monsters, we should admire and appreciate what these brilliant telants have contributed to our society.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Oriya
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      • India
      • Current Location:
      • India

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 2,121
    #2

    Exclamation Re: please correct my mistakes!

    Your pargraph is fine. I have only made a few suggestions by deleting few words as in the brackets and adding some words (highlighted)
    I'd like to say yes to the justification of huge earnings made by the international entertainers or sports personalities. Obviously, they aren't paid for nothing. Instead, to get where they are, they all have struggled earnestly along the way. With their outstanding talents and skills, most of them have become the role models of our society. People all over the world are entertained, excited or inspired by their performance. In return, they are rewarded with large sums of money by companies using their images to promote products. Just like we get salaries in exchange for what we do for our bosses, these famous personalities get their huge earnings by selling their extraordinary (fames) genius. Chances are that the profits (they help) made by the companies with their help (to make) usually outweigh the huge earnings they get. So there is no point in arguing against their huge earnings. After all, this is how business is done in a free market.

    It sounds ridiculous to me if anyone tries to balance their huge earnings with the widespread poverty of the world. After all, people are not made poor because the brilliant international entertainers or sports personalities are well paid ! Instead, I know many international entertainers and sports personalities are at the same time generous donators to the cause of the poor (in the poor areas). Instead of becoming green-eyed monsters, we should admire and appreciate the contributions made by (what) these brilliant talents, (have contributed) to our society.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Feb 2008
    • Posts: 73
    #3

    Re: please correct my mistakes!

    Quote Originally Posted by Manas Ranjan Mallick View Post
    Your pargraph is fine. I have only made a few suggestions by deleting few words as in the brackets and adding some words (highlighted)
    I'd like to say yes to the justification of huge earnings made by the international entertainers or sports personalities. Obviously, they aren't paid for nothing. Instead, to get where they are, they all have struggled earnestly along the way. With their outstanding talents and skills, most of them have become the role models of our society. People all over the world are entertained, excited or inspired by their performance. In return, they are rewarded with large sums of money by companies using their images to promote products. Just like we get salaries in exchange for what we do for our bosses, these famous personalities get their huge earnings by selling their extraordinary (fames) genius. Chances are that the profits (they help) made by the companies with their help (to make) usually outweigh the huge earnings they get. So there is no point in arguing against their huge earnings. After all, this is how business is done in a free market.

    It sounds ridiculous to me if anyone tries to balance their huge earnings with the widespread poverty of the world. After all, people are not made poor because the brilliant international entertainers or sports personalities are well paid ! Instead, I know many international entertainers and sports personalities are at the same time generous donators to the cause of the poor (in the poor areas). Instead of becoming green-eyed monsters, we should admire and appreciate the contributions made by (what) these brilliant talents, (have contributed) to our society.
    Thank you very much for your good suggestions! Would you please look through anothor writing of mine and correct my mistakes? The following link leads you to my post.

    https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/a...-mistakes.html

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