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    #1

    Shanghai-Essay

    Could someone please check this essay for mistakes?


    I would like to talk about Shanghai, with/which has a population of around 23.5 million, that is currently the fifth of the world’s megacities. Its location on the mouth of the Yangtze River Delta in eastern China makes it one of the busiest and (the) most important ports in the world. The city of Shanghai is so vibrant, fascinating and colorful that as visitors, as soon as you arrive in, you will be hit by an explosion of sounds, sights and smells. Rents are so high and apartments are too tiny, so most residents live their lives on the street and prefer to hang out outside more often. In fact, the street is a place where to read and relax as well as eat and play, and it is not unusual to see people strolling around in their nightgowns or pajamas. The street serves as an extension of the workplace as well. For example, hair stylists sit their customers on chairs which are outside their salons to cut their hair, and the city is full of food stalls on every street corner piled high with delicious steamed buns filled with meat, vegetables and mushrooms. Food and friendship are said to go hand in hand in here. Along with food stalls, there are a lot of sidewalk cafes in which people often meet, socialize and discuss serious matters with one another. The city of Shanghai offers a fusion of West and East and old and new. It means that visitors who are staying at some of the brand new five-star hotels can explore the ancient Buddhist temples when they go sightseeing. As far as crime is concerned, Shanghai is a relatively safe city to live in. You rarely hear of crimes which are being committed, although pickpockets are known to operate in crowded areas and tourists are sometimes the target for scams. The most common of these consist of/include unofficial taxi drivers overcharging passengers for the ride to their hotels from the airport. However, in general, the Chinese/Chinese are very friendly to foreigners and they treat travelers with a lot of respect. Nonnative residents are said to usually become good friends with their Chinese neighbours, once they have gotten used to each other. I have to say that what I don’t like about this megacity is that the roads are often choked with traffic. The traffic/It is so terrible that during rush hour, it takes 2 hours or more to drive a 30-minute route. In addition, drivers don’t like to follow the rules of the road and regularly ignore the speed limits and traffic lights. As a result, this makes crossing the road or street really/extremely hazardous for pedestrians, whose safety are not guaranteed even when the green light is showing. I wish the Chinese drivers wouldn't break driving rules.



    Can I use these three sentences as alternatives to underlined parts?
    *As visitors, on your arrival, you will …
    *Its location makes it one of the busiest ports in the world.
    *That is currently the world’s fifth megacity.
    Last edited by ambitious-girl; 26-Sep-2017 at 08:56.
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    #2

    Re: Shanghai(Talk about a city)-IELTS speaking

    Ambitious Girl, May I ask what the source of your essay is, and do you write it on your own?
    I am preparing for the IELTS exam, too. So, I need some reliable and reference sources, particularly for speaking skill.

    I would change the first line like the below:
    I would like to talk about Shanghai. The city, with a population of around 23.5 million, is currently the fifth of the world’s megacities.
    Last edited by yi-ing; 25-Sep-2017 at 17:01.

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    #3

    Re: Shanghai(Talk about a city)-IELTS speaking

    Quote Originally Posted by ambitious-girl View Post
    Could someone please check this essay for mistakes?
    Is it an essay or a talk?

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    #4

    Re: Shanghai(Talk about a city)-IELTS speaking

    Quote Originally Posted by yi-ing View Post
    Ambitious Girl, May I ask what the source of your essay is, and do you write it on your own?
    I am preparing for the IELTS exam, too. So, I need some reliable and reference sources, particularly for speaking skill.
    Sure. Actually, first I choose a topic and then for brainstorming I use different books and sources, including parts of American English Files, Vocabulary In Use series, some articles and reliable sites like BBC 6 Minutes English. Then, I look up all the target words I don’t know the meaning of in some dictionaries. Also, I pick some good sentences and phrases and try to memorize them. In the end, I make sentences and connect all them together in a way that makes sense using connectors and conjunctive adverbs and some important grammar rules. That step is where knowing grammar rules are really matter. Although it takes me long hours, I think it is worth it.

    I would like to talk about Shanghai. The city, with a population of around 23.5 million, is currently the fifth of the world’s megacities.

    Thanks for your suggestion.



    Last edited by ambitious-girl; 26-Sep-2017 at 09:07.
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    #5

    Shanghai-Essay

    First, I wanted to use it as an speaking talk. Then I extend all the ideas and it finally ended up as an essay. Now it is more of an essay than a talk. I think it is too long to be used as a speaking talk. It is about 469 words. However, I want to choose some good sentences for speaking too to talk about this city in just 2 minutes. I think I should change the title of this thread.
    Last edited by ambitious-girl; 26-Sep-2017 at 09:02.
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    #6

    Re: Shanghai-Essay

    Essays and talks are not the same. The structure, degree of formality, and purpose are different. I don't think it's a good idea to mix the two, especially in the context of an test like IELTS.

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    #7

    Re: Shanghai-Essay

    Thanks Teechar. Do you think I should rewrite some of the sentences? Because, according to what you stated, it seems that what I write is close to a talk because of the sentences, their structures and the topic.
    And, if I want to use it as a talk, are my paragraphs and sentences OK?
    I think I should write something completely different to use as an essay. Do you agree?
    Last edited by ambitious-girl; 26-Sep-2017 at 12:24.
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    #8

    Re: Shanghai-Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by ambitious-girl View Post
    I think I should write something completely different to use as an essay. Do you agree?
    That would be a good idea.

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