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  1. new2grammar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Punjabi
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • India

    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 880
    #1

    Please help me to improve on this..

    You have left your footprints on the sand of success now imprint your lifestyle with it.

    Please help me with the above sentence; it is basically front page of the brochure for luxuries home for the most successful people my college assignment. How the above sentence I am more concern for the second part, …imprint your lifestyle ….is the flow correct or is there any other way to write this


    • Join Date: Nov 2007
    • Posts: 5,409
    #2

    Re: Please help me to improve on this..

    You have left your footprints on the sand of success now imprint your lifestyle with it.
    'to leave one's footprints" is associated with muddy feet on a kitchen floor.
    We talk about the sand on the beach but "the sands of time" etc
    Raise the first part to a higher level of poesy :

    You have left your footprint on the sands of success...
    (I'm trying to think of a better word than 'left', which is a bit prosaic.)

    As for the second: imprint is not a common word, and in this context, 'jars' = strike against something with an unpleasant vibration or jolt -(the word, against my sensibilities!) + have an unpleasant, annoying, or disturbing effect.
    BUT : do you realize the second part says, 'leave your footprint on your lifestyle' ? What does that mean?

    I think you mean something like, and now, let your lifestyle reflect how succcessful you are.

    Anyone want to have a go at the second part?


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #3

    Re: Please help me to improve on this..

    You have made your footprints in the sands of success. Now mark your lifestyle with the signs of your success.


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 810
    #4

    Re: Please help me to improve on this..

    Now allow your lifestyle to be a reflection of your achievements.

    Maybe it alters the original tone of the sentence too much.

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