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    #1

    three versions of one sentence

    Dear teachers,

    There is a model sentence which expresses the speech of an average educated young man in England with his free use of slang.

    What a chapís got to do, is lead a straight a life as he can and do his bit.

    Would you be kind enough to examine the following below three sentences which are three different versions of the original sentence retaining the idea, but changing the style?

    1. What a fellow ought to do is to lead a decent life and help others.

    2. A man should lead an honest life and contribute his share to the common cause.

    3. A man should not deviate from the path of righteousness Ė nor be oblivious of the welfare of his fellow men.

    Thank you for your efforts.

    Regards.

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    #2

    Re: three versions of one sentence

    Brit native, not a teacher

    Dear Vil,

    I have read your post but it doesn't say what is is you want. Do you want each sentence to be corrected where necessary or for someone to choose the best formulation, or something else?

    The first thing I notice is that there is a mistake in the slang line: "Leading as straight a life as he can". The second thing I notice is that this contains the idea of trying to live a good life "as straight a life as he can". In the rewritten examples the concept of endeavouring to has been replaced with simply doing. Therefore in sentence 2 I would say "2. A man should try to lead an honest life and contribute his share to the common cause.

    Sentence 3 is a lot stronger than the original. "Leading as straight a life as one can" is a lot less onerous a task than "not deviating from the path of righteousness".
    I would tend to use oblivious to rather than oblivious of, but I believe both are correct.

    • Member Info
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    #3

    Re: three versions of one sentence

    Hi hotmetal,

    Thank you for your prompt reply as well as for your assiduous examination the mentioned three versions of the original sentence in my post above. Thank you also for your further information as well as for the relevant emendations.

    Regards.

    V.

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