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    • Join Date: May 2008
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    #1

    Any changes necessary? -- 3

    Hi,

    [ version 1 ]
    The number of Japanese who go abroad or speak English cannot be a good index showing how international Japan is. I think the number of foreigners who live in this country is a better criterion of how international Japan is.

    [ version 2 ]
    The number of Japanese who are traveling abroad or who can speak English does not indicate how international Japan is. In my opinion, the number of foreigners living in this country is a more valid criterion showing how international Japan is.

    Are any modifications necessary?


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #2

    Re: Any changes necessary? -- 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Daruma View Post
    Hi,

    [ version 1 ]
    The number of Japanese who go abroad or speak English cannot be a good index to showing how international Japan is. I think the number of foreigners who live in this country is a better criterion of how international Japan is. avoid repetition - end the sentence on "criterion".

    [ version 2 ]
    The number of Japanese who are traveling abroad or who can speak English does not indicate how international Japan is. In my opinion, the number of foreigners living in this country is a more valid criterion showing how international Japan is.same comment

    Are any modifications necessary?
    .

  1. Soup's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Any changes necessary? -- 3

    Daruma, my comments are in response to your message to me for help.

    1. cannot is weak. Try the present simple, is not.
    2. index is awkward. Try, indication of.
    3. how international Japan is could be more exact with how international Japan has become.
    4. I think/In my opinion are standard "stock" phrases. Try this transitional device instead, Rather, ...
    5. is a better criterion is too wordy. Try, better supports this.

    [ version 1 ]
    The number of Japanese who go abroad or speak English cannot be a good index showing how international Japan is. I think the number of foreigners who live in this country is a better criterion of how international Japan is.


    • Join Date: May 2008
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    #4

    Re: Any changes necessary? -- 3

    Anglika and Soup,
    Thank you for the responses.

    The number of Japanese who go abroad or speak English is not a good indication of showing how international Japan is. Rather, the number of foreigners who live in this country shows Japan's involvement in the world.

    How does this sound? Aren't there any errors or anything awkward?

  2. RonBee's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Any changes necessary? -- 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Daruma View Post

    The number of Japanese who go abroad or speak English is not a good indication of showing how international Japan is. Rather, the number of foreigners who live in this country shows Japan's involvement in the world.
    In the first sentence, delete showing. For the second sentence, try:
    Rather, the number of foreigners who live in Japan demonstrate that better.
    In the above sentence, "that" refers to "how international Japan is".



    What do you think?



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    #6

    Re: Any changes necessary? -- 3

    RonBee,
    Thanks a lot.

    1) ... indication of how international Japan is.
    2) ... indication of how international Japan has become. (Soup's comment)

    I can't explain why, but the second would be better. Just a matter of personal preference?

  3. RonBee's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Any changes necessary? -- 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Daruma View Post
    RonBee,
    Thanks a lot.

    1) ... indication of how international Japan is.
    2) ... indication of how international Japan has become. (Soup's comment)

    I can't explain why, but the second would be better. Just a matter of personal preference?
    The first one ("how international Japan is") focuses on the present, while the second one ("how international Japan has become") compares the present to the past.



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    #8

    Re: Any changes necessary? -- 3

    In that context, both sound equally good, don't they?

  4. RonBee's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Any changes necessary? -- 3

    Quote Originally Posted by Daruma View Post
    In that context, both sound equally good, don't they?
    Sure.

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