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    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 2

    Medical School Personal Statement Reader Needed

    I was wondering if someone with a strong background in English could assist me with my Personal Statement for Medical School. If you could please check for grammatical errors, sentence structure, misspelled words, or other unclear aspects of the essay, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!

    My regular checkups with the doctor were not the most enjoyable moments when I was a child. In the patient room, I felt trapped by the surrounding white walls, the medical posters, and the obscure instruments. Occasionally I heard a child from the other room, and I knew surely that my time would also come. Waiting always felt like eternity. And then, the sounds of footsteps. My heart would instantly cringe, and I would start pinching myself really hard to emulate the pain of needles. When the Doctor asked me questions, I had always been too overwhelmed with fear to speak and he knew this. However, my fear subsided one day, when the Doctor brought his new friend, Dr. Moo Moo, a cow hand puppet. As Dr. Moo Moo guided the remainder of the examination, I became so entertained that I forgot about the aversive experiences of prior examinations.

    Although this may at first appear as a stereotypical visit to the pediatrician, I have grown to appreciate its true complexity and gained insight to the patient-doctor relationship that is fundamental to the practice of medicine. I discovered that a doctor was not one who battles human illness per se, but alleviated human illness that often has a face and story intricately woven into it. While the ultimate goal of a doctor is to treat the illness, the equally critical tasks are to initially establish the patient-doctor connection, reassure the patient, and proceed with a treatment approach tailored to the patient and that also takes into consideration other social variables influencing treatment. My appreciation of these vital aspects became clearer as I progressed through my undergraduate career as a student, research assistant, supplemental instructor, clinical volunteer, mentor, and class senator.

    Time spent in the classrooms has nurtured my academic knowledge, while my duties outside the classroom bestowed a sense of real-life applications that could not be captured in a book. My research activities helped foster my curiosity. The practice of medicine is a constantly evolving science, which I find exciting and challenging. Practicing successfully requires keeping pace with the latest treatment protocols and medical knowledge. Aside from researching, clinical volunteer experiences has taught me three fundamental characteristics of becoming a doctor: honesty, respect for patients, and a continuing desire to learn. Likewise, my leadership positions emphasized the importance of integrity, responsibility, and establishing social connections.

    One of my greatest experiences in college came when I was a tutor for the Learning Center. I was able to implement what I had observed at the clinic and realize an essential social aspect of being a doctor: reciprocal relationships, specifically through gaining an individualís trust and then applying the most effective individualized approach toward success. As a tutor, I had come to realize that each student attends tutoring services with a different question. But the challenge was not the problem. Rather, it was finding the appropriate teaching method. All the students had distinctive learning skills and levels, and by recognizing these differences I was able to create a learning environment that was most fit and comfortable for each of them.

    I believe my undergraduate experiences have given me insight into the practice of medicine as a multi-disciplinary field that requires the dedication of a clinician, the curiosity of a researcher, and a compassion for my fellow human beings. Although my desire as a future physician is to bring care to my community, I also plan to remedy many of the larger scale health issues of the population through the spread of knowledge. My love of science and devotion to healing will be evident through my practice, and participation in public health education programs. Practicing medicine will give me a chance to make a significant impact on the quality of people's lives, both in the immediate and long term level.

    As I think back, Dr. Moo Moo was a lifeless object, but its smile and energy was perfect and everlasting. Those characteristics are always found in the doctors I have known and that is very inspiring to me. Now, when I walk through the halls of a hospital, I feel comfortable and serene. The solid white walls of fear have become the walls of trust as I have come to appreciate the real foundations of medicine. I want to be a part of that structure of trust by treating my patients in the best manner possible.

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      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
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    • Join Date: Jun 2006
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    Re: Medical School Personal Statement Reader Needed

    A beautifully written piece of essay, well done! I enjoyed reading it.

    I'm not a teacher, I can only pick up a few minor points:

    My regular checkups with the doctor were not the most enjoyable moments when I was a child.
    When I was a child, my regular visits to the doctor were not the most enjoyable moments.

    In the patient room, I felt trapped by the surrounding (austere or some other adjectives?)white walls, the medical posters,(no comma I think) and the obscure(?)instruments. Occasionally I heard a child from the other room, and I knew surely that my time would also come. (The?)Waiting always felt(seemed?) like eternity
    Last edited by tedtmc; 25-Jun-2008 at 19:27. Reason: omissions

    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 2

    Re: Medical School Personal Statement Reader Needed


    thanks for the reply. i'll be sure to incorporate your feedback into my revision.

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