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  1. paochai01's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • New Zealand

    • Join Date: Jul 2006
    • Posts: 228
    #1

    Please help me proofread...

    To: Anglika, banderas, Barb_D, bhaisahab, BobK, David L., MikeNewYork, Ouisch, riverkid, RonBee, Tdol

    (Everyone could still contribute though. Feel free. )

    British Columbia is a Canadian province with beautiful cities. Such as Vancouver and Victoria. In Vancouver, visitors can walk around Stanley Park, go to several wonderful museums, or shop in big malls. On a sunny day, the views around Vancouver are beautiful. Because you can see the mountains. Many tourists come to visit British Columbia from all over the world. If you ever have the chance to go to Western Canada. You should try to visit British Columbia. At first, life was difficult for me in the U.S., I didn't understand English. I could speak only a few words of English, so it was very hard to communicate. Luckily, I had some friends who spoke English they could help me a lot. When I needed to fill out applications or go to the doctor, my friends translated for me. Now I can do everything by myself because I speak and understand English quite well, and I am getting along fine. The new city library near my house built in 1990. Every day I am going to the library to study in a quiet place. Yesterday, I studied in the library for 3 hours. Residents are allow to check out books, CDs, and tapes from the library. I had my own library card since last August. Students usually have homeworks every day.I always have to read book and write summary. I sometimes learn useful information in my reading assignments. This week we are reading stories from several country. I'm learning about tradition and custom in Chile. Both the tapes and the book for our listening class is available in the college bookstore. One of my favorite hobbies are looking at books in a big bookstore. The people who work in the bookstore are very helpful. Every student need to know how to get to the bookstore. The bookstore opens at 8:00am and closes at 8:00pm on weekdays.

    My corrections:
    -cities such as? (delete the period?)
    -beautiful because (delete the period?)
    -Canada, you (comma, not a period?)
    -U.S. - I didn't...?
    -English so (delete the comma?)
    -who spoke English they could help me a lot (and they could?)
    -needed (need?)
    -translated (translate?)
    -well and (delete comma?)
    -was built?
    -go?
    -should it be spelled out - three?
    -allowed?
    -have had... since last...? or Had..last August?
    -books? summaries?
    -Is 'sometimes' on the right position in the sentence?
    -week we (week, we?)
    -several countries?
    -traditions and customs?
    -are?
    -one of... is/are?
    -needs

    Is there any other wrong tense usage? Any wrong punctuation, letters that should and shouldn't be capitalized, punctuations which should be changed/deleted/added, pluralization, preposition, grammatical errors I missed to correct? Any errors you can find?
    Last edited by paochai01; 25-Jul-2008 at 21:26.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #2

    Re: Please help me proofread...

    Quote Originally Posted by paochai01 View Post
    To: Anglika, banderas, Barb_D, bhaisahab, BobK, David L., MikeNewYork, Ouisch, riverkid, RonBee, Tdol

    (Everyone could still contribute though. Feel free. )

    British Columbia is a Canadian province with beautiful cities. Such as Vancouver and Victoria. In Vancouver, visitors can walk around Stanley Park, go to several wonderful museums, or shop in big malls. On a sunny day, the views around Vancouver are beautiful. Because you can see the mountains. Many tourists come to visit British Columbia from all over the world. If you ever have the chance to go to Western Canada. You should try to visit British Columbia. At first, life was difficult for me in the U.S., I didn't understand English. I could speak only a few words of English, so it was very hard to communicate. Luckily, I had some friends who spoke English they could help me a lot. When I needed to fill out applications or go to the doctor, my friends translated for me. Now I can do everything by myself because I speak and understand English quite well, and I am getting along fine. The new city library near my house built in 1990. Every day I am going to the library to study in a quiet place. Yesterday, I studied in the library for 3 hours. Residents are allow to check out books, CDs, and tapes from the library. I had my own library card since last August. Students usually have homeworks every day.I always have to read book and write summary. I sometimes learn useful information in my reading assignments. This week we are reading stories from several country. I'm learning about tradition and custom in Chile. Both the tapes and the book for our listening class is available in the college bookstore. One of my favorite hobbies are looking at books in a big bookstore. The people who work in the bookstore are very helpful. Every student need to know how to get to the bookstore. The bookstore opens at 8:00am and closes at 8:00pm on weekdays.

    My corrections:
    -cities such as? (delete the period?) yes
    -beautiful because (delete the period?) yes
    -Canada, you (comma, not a period?) yes
    -U.S. - I didn't...? No dash. The period is enough
    -English so (delete the comma?) yes
    -who spoke English they could help me a lot (and they could?) yes - or ". They..."
    -needed (need?) No - needed is fine
    -translated (translate?) No - translated is fine
    -well and (delete comma?) yes
    -was built? yes
    -go? yes
    -should it be spelled out - three? yes
    -
    allowed? yes
    -have had... since last...? or Had..last August? have had
    -books? summaries? yes
    -Is 'sometimes' on the right position in the sentence? yes
    -week we (week, we?)
    -several countries? yes
    -traditions and customs? yes
    -are? yes - and "books"
    -one of... is/are? one = is
    -needs yes

    Is there any other wrong tense usage? Any wrong punctuation, letters that should and shouldn't be capitalized, punctuations which should be changed/deleted/added, pluralization, preposition, grammatical errors I missed to correct? Any errors you can find?
    How come you suddenly mention the US after describing Canada?

    Students have homework

  2. paochai01's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • New Zealand

    • Join Date: Jul 2006
    • Posts: 228
    #3

    Re: Please help me proofread...

    All right! You really are my savior, Anglika!
    Thank God!

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    How come you suddenly mention the US after describing Canada? - Weird, right? I don't know. I just found the material and tried to proofread it myself just to brush up my skills. hehe

    Students have homework - So homework will never ever have s? We have to pluralize it by saying "a lot/lots of homework"?

    Sorry, quite confused. Does your thumbs-up refer to:
    This week we are reading stories from...
    or
    This week, we are reading stories from...
    CALL CENTER AGENT: As per instruction below, believe it is not advisable to setup a distribution list autoforward setup for IWF users.
    I’ve already restored the original/default autoforward setup below to avoid further conflicts on the system.

    Party A – Original Sender: ZZ:7891003800048
    Party B – Original Receiver: 14:7898085940402 (IWF)
    Party C – Copy Receiver/s: ZZ:GC42082288GD (IWF)

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Believe" sounds pretty absurd to me. It's like insisting that customers have no other choice but to believe the agent. They could leave it out, right? Just say "As per instruction below, it is not advisable to setup a distribution list..."
    Do you have any aternatives? And what's your say?
    Last edited by paochai01; 26-Jul-2008 at 04:26.

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      • Malaysia
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    #4

    Re: Please help me proofread...

    As per instruction below, ?? believe it is not advisable to setup a distribution list autoforward setup for IWF users.
    A pronoun is missing there I think.
    Yes, 'believe' can be omitted.
    not a teacher

  3. paochai01's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
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      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • New Zealand

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    • Posts: 228
    #5

    Re: Please help me proofread...

    Quote Originally Posted by tedtmc View Post
    A pronoun is missing there I think.
    Yes, 'believe' can be omitted.
    not a teacher
    You mean, in the AS PER phrase, right?

    Oh, one more question...
    Could someone give a detailed explanation of using "AS PER"?
    When do we use and when do we not use it?


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #6

    Re: Please help me proofread...

    I wouldn't use it at all, but it generally means "in accordance with".

    As per your instructions, we are posting the parcel today.
    In accordance with your instructions, we are posting the parcel today.

  4. paochai01's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • New Zealand

    • Join Date: Jul 2006
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    #7

    Re: Please help me proofread...

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    I wouldn't use it at all, but it generally means "in accordance with".

    As per your instructions, we are posting the parcel today.
    In accordance with your instructions, we are posting the parcel today.
    Same here. I have never used it in my entire life but I don't know why call center agents use this phrase in spoken and written English. I even heard a rule from them saying that AS PER shouldn't be followed by proper names alone or whatever. e.g. As per Dave, we must solve the issue. They say that there should be a noun after the proper noun (As per Dave's request...)
    Is this true?
    Can this phrase be used in any contexts?
    Should this be used more often in spoken English or written?

    ---

    Proofreading continuation:

    I had my supervisor check the article I proofread. See her comments below:

    1. I could speak only a few words of English, so it was very hard to communicate. - Comma shouldn't be removed. STET

    2. Now I can do everything by myself because I speak and understand English quite well, and I am getting along fine. - Do not remove the comma. STET

    3. Yesterday, I studied in the library for 3 hours. - Do not spell out the number 3. STET

    4. I sometimes learn useful information in my reading assignments. - Do not use 'from'. 'IN' is fine. STET

    Do you agree???


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #8

    Re: Please help me proofread...

    Quote Originally Posted by paochai01 View Post
    Same here. I have never used it in my entire life but I don't know why call center agents use this phrase in spoken and written English. I even heard a rule from them saying that AS PER shouldn't be followed by proper names alone or whatever. e.g. As per Dave, we must solve the issue. They say that there should be a noun after the proper noun (As per Dave's request...)
    Is this true?
    Can this phrase be used in any contexts?
    Should this be used more often in spoken English or written? Call centers seem to have their own rules. I would discourage this usage.

    ---

    Proofreading continuation:

    I had my supervisor check the article I proofread. See her comments below:

    1. I could speak only a few words of English, so it was very hard to communicate. - Comma shouldn't be removed. STET

    2. Now I can do everything by myself because I speak and understand English quite well, and I am getting along fine. - Do not remove the comma. STET

    3. Yesterday, I studied in the library for 3 hours. - Do not spell out the number 3. STET I would spell it out.

    4. I sometimes learn useful information in my reading assignments. - Do not use 'from'. 'IN' is fine. STET

    Do you agree???
    .

  5. paochai01's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • New Zealand

    • Join Date: Jul 2006
    • Posts: 228
    #9

    Re: Please help me proofread...

    Call centers seem to have their own rules. I would discourage this usage. - Because? What's with that phrase? So I could also explain to them in a nice and logical way.

    ---

    Proofreading continuation:

    -So when do we retain and remove commas in combining clauses?
    -Why would you spell it out? When do we need to spell out and when do we not?
    -Does it mean it is wrong to use 'from' in that context?


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #10

    Re: Please help me proofread...

    Quote Originally Posted by paochai01 View Post
    Call centers seem to have their own rules. I would discourage this usage. - Because? What's with that phrase? So I could also explain to them in a nice and logical way.

    My experiences with call centres is that many are not really in tune with the people that use them, and that the simpler the language used, the better the communication will be. I try my best not to have to be in touch with them.
    ---

    Proofreading continuation:

    -So when do we retain and remove commas in combining clauses? This link gives a clear explanation: Using Commas
    -Why would you spell it out? When do we need to spell out and when do we not? Numbers from one to nine are spelled out, numbers 10 upwards are expressed numerically. Standard practice.
    -Does it mean it is wrong to use 'from' in that context? Yes.
    .

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