Red = corrections
Blue = suggestions, although your sentence was grammatically correct.
Green = this is fine, but personally, I wouldn't use a personal term such as "our" in an essay, because it's supposed to be objective. I would leave it out, but it's entirely up to you, because grammatically, it's fine.
Not a teacher.
Can someone check my punctuation in the last sentence, because I'm not 100% confident. Personally, I would split it into two sentences after "The American Dream," but I'm trying to keep it as close to the original as possible.
Student or Learner