It was night. I carried one girl on the back， two feet treading in the water. It seemed that the place was drenched in the vast downpour and had been flooded earlier.
Certainly, it was strange that I couldn’t hear the sound of footsteps upon water, nor could I see the color of the water, or anything else. Oh, it was very strange!
"It was night": In night isn't a full sentence. If you wanted a fragment, then it would've been "At night" rather than "In night."
"Downpour": I swapped the word flood for downpour, because you have the word flooded later in the sentence, and so it doesn't sound very good to have two versions of the same word in a sentence. Although the word I chose refers specifically to rain, so if rain isn't the cause of the flood in the story, it would not work.
"Was": the rest of the story is told in the past tense, so "It's" must be changed to "it was" so that this sentence is past tense too.
"Footsteps": There is nothing wrong with the term "treading upon water," but it is very similar to the term "treading water" which is a type of swimming. Also, you have already used the word treading previously, so I felt it would be a bit more varied with an alternative word.
"Could I see": Could a teacher please help me out on this whole sentence? I know this is correct, but I need to know the technical reason for it.
"Or anything else": I actually think it would be better to leave this out altogether and end the sentence after the word water. If you feel you need to expand the point, I would do it in another sentence. Something like: "In fact, I couldn't see or hear anything at all."
Not a teacher.
Interested in Language