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    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 18
    #1

    Post Is my cover letter correctly written?

    Please, can you help me with my cover letter confection?

    Dear Hiring Manager:
    I am a graduated System Engineer with 4 years of experience in Application Support for two Telecommunication companies. At University, I accomplished teaching assistant's tasks in Operating Systems subjects where I obtained experience teaching and learning from students of 2nd year.
    My responsibilities include database maintenance, improving and tuning database queries, automating an error tracking system by using of UNIX shell scripts and testing before sending code into production environment. My strengths include database design and DBA support always ensuring data coherence.
    I consider myself a committed person with huge enthusiasm to constantly improve my IT skills being able to work in groups.
    I'd like to work and live in London, since I believe it is a place where I can grow professionally. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss a position with you.
    Thank you for your consideration.

    Sincerely,
    Your Name

    Thanks


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 810
    #2

    Re: Is my cover letter correctly written?

    Dear Hiring Manager:

    I am a Systems Engineer graduate with 4 years of experience in Application Support, gained by working for two Telecommunication companies (this is assuming that you spent the 4 years at the 2 companies mentioned?). At University, I performed a teaching assistant role in Operating Systems subjects where I obtained experience teaching and learning from 2nd year students.

    My responsibilities have included database maintenance, improving and tuning database queries, automating an error tracking system through the use of UNIX shell scripts, and also testing before subsequently sending code into the production environment. My strengths include database design, DBA support and always working towards ensuring data coherence.

    I consider myself a committed person with lots of enthusiasm, constantly seeking to improve my IT skills and my ability to work in groups. I'd like to work and live in London, since I believe it is a place where I can grow professionally. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss a position with you.
    Thank you for your consideration.

    This is an improvement, but I'm not sure that it is exactly what you want.

    I'm not teacher.

  1. I'm With Stupid's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam

    • Join Date: Oct 2007
    • Posts: 598
    #3

    Re: Is my cover letter correctly written?

    Also, the letter should begin:

    "Dear Sir/Madam," (with a comma, not a colon) if you don't know the name of the hiring manager, and "Dear [Name]," if you do know it.

    I think the opening sentence should outline why you are writing to them.

    Examples:
    "I am writing in response to the advertisement for position of Systems Engineer."
    "I am writing to enquire about the possibility of employment with [name of company] as a Systems Engineer."

    Not a teacher.

  2. I'm With Stupid's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Vietnam

    • Join Date: Oct 2007
    • Posts: 598
    #4

    Re: Is my cover letter correctly written?

    Quote Originally Posted by colloquium View Post
    I am a Systems Engineer graduate with 4 years of experience in Application Support, gained by working for two Telecommunication companies (this is assuming that you spent the 4 years at the 2 companies mentioned?).
    I think the word "graduate" generally suggests someone who has just graduated. I would suggest "I am a qualified systems engineer with 4 years......etc."

    I would then say "I graduated from [name] university in 2004, where I performed a teaching assistant role.......etc."

    Not a teacher.


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 810
    #5

    Re: Is my cover letter correctly written?

    Quote Originally Posted by I'm With Stupid View Post
    I think the word "graduate" generally suggests someone who has just graduated. I would suggest "I am a qualified systems engineer with 4 years......etc."

    I would then say "I graduated from [name] university in 2004, where I performed a teaching assistant role.......etc."

    Not a teacher.
    Good point.

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