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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
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      • China
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      • China

    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 6
    #1

    Smile Hello

    I meet a little problem when I composing a letter. In the sentence below:

    “In grandpa’s heart, you are one of thebrightest stars in the night sky!” my grandpa lifted me, who was a little boy, over his head and said to me with a smiling face.

    I feel it sounds not so natively because of the sentence structure.(especially the words of green color) So would you please give me a beeter expression?
    Or there is some other problems about the sentence, please help me correct them.
    Thank you for your help

  1. Barb_D's Avatar
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      • United States

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    #2

    Re: Hello

    Try something like this:

    I was still just a little boy the day my grandfather lifted me over his head and smiled up at me, saying "In grandpa’s heart, you are one of the brightest stars in the night sky!”

    or

    One day when I was just a little boy, my grandfather lifted me over his head. I remember so clearly how he smiled up at me and said, "In grandpa’s heart, you are one of the brightest stars in the night sky!”

    {not a teacher}

    • Member Info
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    #3

    Re: Hello

    Thank you for your advice! ^_^

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Hello

    Quote Originally Posted by traceycjj View Post
    I meet a little problem when I composing a letter. In the sentence below:

    “In grandpa’s heart, you are one of thebrightest stars in the night sky!” my grandpa lifted me, who was a little boy, over his head and said to me with a smiling face.

    I feel it sounds not so natively because of the sentence structure.(especially the words of green color) So would you please give me a beeter expression?
    Or there is some other problems about the sentence, please help me correct them.
    Thank you for your help
    You could also use a parenthesis.
    My grandpa lifted me over his head (I was still a little boy) and said to me with a smiling face... or set it off with dashes, is even better:
    My grandpa lifted me over his head -- I was still a little boy -- and said to me with a smiling face, ...

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