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#1
Justin_Yang Guest

my cover letter and resume(welcome to give me good advice)

Justin Yang
Room 601, No17, 539LiangCheng Road
Shanghai P.R. China
Postcode: 200434
Telephone: 65291070
Mobile: 13585905706
Email: yangbaihua83@hotmail.com or yangbaihua83@yahoo.com.cn

Date: 17/10/2004
Job I want: Assistant Finance Manager (Control & Finance Group)
Company information:
Sony Corporation of Shanghai
Address: 8th floor, No1, HuBing Road 222 LuWan district
Postcode: 200021
Telephone: (021)61212121
Email: hr.sh@sony.com.cn

Dear Mr. Wu:
I am long for position of Assistant Finance Manager of your company, which is published in your website:
(http://www.sony.com.cn/newsite2002/s...ast/1/1116.asp)
I am the student of Shanghai University, my major is International Trade and will be graduated in 2005. Sony is an electron, science and technology company with hundred year’s history, you have very high reputation of the world. Working in a this company is not only a challenge but also a chance for me
Although I am a rookie, I am good at computer and English and I like the digital product very much. I also has definite knowledge about marketing and finance. I has a 2-months working experience in QiangSheng. So I think I can be competent for the job. I will enclose my resume and you will know more about my details and I hope I can get a chance to get an interview with you!
Thanking you in advance, I look forward to hearing from you.



Sincerely Yours
Justin Yang

Resume:
Personal information:
Chinese name: Yang Baihua
English name: Justin
Gender: Male
Date of birth: 23rd October 1983

Objective:
I am a team player and look forward to bringing my knowledge and skills learned in this field to be an assesst to your company. I enjoy helping and taking care of people. I want to keep business up and running for your company and take exercise for myself.

Education:
2002.9-2005.6, Diploma, Sydney Institute of Language and Commerce, Shanghai University

Experience:
Company of QiangSheng 2004.6-8
-Practiced for the assistant of Working Department
-get high recognition of the manager

Skills & qualifications:
good at computer and can use diversified software adroitly
Learn calligraphy for 2years
English speaking is good and gets rank: A in oral test

Degrees & Certifications:
2001 pass the computer middle level test
2004 Certificate for State College English Test-Level 4

#2
Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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Dear Mr. Wu (HRM of Sony):
I am longing for position

I'd delete (HRM of Sony)

I would change 'longing for'; it's the wrong verb here.

#3
Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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I am very glad you can take out your precious time to read my letter and I am looking forward to your good reply.

I don't like this sentence. Why not try a standard ending:

Thanking you in advance, I look forward to hearing from you.


#4
Justin_Yang Guest
Thank you very much for your advice, I will correct my mistake

#5
Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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While you're at it, change the spelling of 'assesst '.

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