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  1. banderas's Avatar
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    #1

    Run with Me

    Can I ask native speakers of English to correct any mistakes I might have made? Thank you.

    PART 1

    If Los Angeles is the City of Angels, then London must be the City of Runners. I've lived here for one and a half year and have seen more running people in the streets than I did anywhere else. Londoners have such a lifestyle and are really passionate about jogging. They also are keen on taking part in races. I like it here and it makes me feel at home.

    I used to train running profesionally at the age of 17 and was quite good. My best time in 1500 metres was 4:14. Then I tried karate, basketball and voleyball and must say that I find individual sports much more suitable for me.

    London's given me a lot. It made me take up running again and doing it again feels so good.
    "The more I run, the more I want to run, and the more I live a life conditioned and influenced and fashioned by my running. And the more I run, the more certain I am that I am heading for my real goal: to become the person I am."
    Now I am 30 and there is more to come, though: I want to win again...
    Last edited by banderas; 06-Sep-2008 at 21:21.

  2. heidita's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Run with Me

    They also are keen on taking part in races
    You might want to change this order to:

    they are also keen on...

  3. banderas's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Run with Me

    Quote Originally Posted by heidita View Post
    You might want to change this order to:

    they are also keen on...
    Thanks, is that all?

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    #4

    Re: Run with Me

    Quote Originally Posted by banderas View Post
    Can I ask native speakers of English to correct any mistakes I might have made? Thank you.

    PART 1

    If Los Angeles is the City of Angels, London must be the City of Runners. (You don't need "then", though some people might use it.) I've lived here for (one and a half years)(a year and a half) and have seen more people running in the streets than I did anywhere else. Londoners have such a lifestyle and are really passionate about jogging. They are also keen on taking part in races. I like it here, and it makes me feel at home.

    I used to train for running like a professional does, and at the age of 17 (I) was quite good. My best time in the 1500 metres was 4:14. Then I tried karate, basketball and volleyball and must say that I find individual sports much more suitable for me.

    London's given me a lot. It made me take up running again, and doing it again feels so good.
    "The more I run, the more I want to run and the more I live a life conditioned, influenced and fashioned by (my) running. And the more I run, the more certain I am that I am heading for my real goal, to become the person I am." ?? (I don't understand how your goal can be to become something you already are.)
    Now I am 30 and there still is more to come. I want to win again. (I wouldn't use "though" here.)
    2006

  4. Raymott's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Run with Me

    Quote Originally Posted by banderas View Post
    Can I ask native speakers of English to correct any mistakes I might have made? Thank you.

    PART 1

    If Los Angeles is the City of Angels, then London must be the City of Runners. I've lived here for one and a half year and have seen more running people in the streets than I did anywhere else. Londoners have such a lifestyle and are really passionate about jogging. They also are keen on taking part in races. I like it here and it makes me feel at home.

    I used to train running profesionally at the age of 17 and was quite good. My best time in 1500 metres was 4:14. Then I tried karate, basketball and voleyball and must say that I find individual sports much more suitable for me.

    London's given me a lot. It made me take up running again and doing it again feels so good.
    "The more I run, the more I want to run, and the more I live a life conditioned and influenced and fashioned by my running. And the more I run, the more certain I am that I am heading for my real goal: to become the person I am."
    Now I am 30 and there is more to come, though: I want to win again...
    I think you could do a lot with it stylistically.
    What does Los Angeles have to do with it? Is that where you were in paragraph 2? If not, I'd say where I was in paragraph 2. I think it needs more variation in tone; eg. instead of "at the age of 17 and was quite good", consider "at the age of 17, I was buffed, and stoked after a race.
    Of course, it depends what the passage is. For a CV, it would be OK.

  5. banderas's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Run with Me

    Thank you, 2006,
    Now I am 30 and there still is more to come. I want to win again. (I wouldn't use "though" here.)
    Why is that?

  6. banderas's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Run with Me

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    I think you could do a lot with it stylistically.
    What does Los Angeles have to do with it? Is that where you were in paragraph 2? If not, I'd say where I was in paragraph 2. I think it needs more variation in tone; eg. instead of "at the age of 17 and was quite good", consider "at the age of 17, I was buffed, and stoked after a race.
    Of course, it depends what the passage is. For a CV, it would be OK.
    Thank you, Raymott,
    LA is said to be the CIty of Angels so I came up with the idea that London must be the CIty of Runners.
    The purpose of it is just improving my English.

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    #8

    Re: Run with Me

    Quote Originally Posted by banderas View Post
    Thank you, 2006,
    Now I am 30 and there still is more to come. I want to win again. (I wouldn't use "though" here.)
    Why is that?
    "though" is used when there is a contrast or contradiction, and I don't feel that is present in your sentence. ("and" is not a contrasting conjunction)

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    #9

    Re: Run with Me

    Hello,
    What about
    have seen more running people in the streets than I did anywhere else
    Souldn't it be ?
    have seen more running people in the streets than I have anywhere else.

    Cheers,

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    #10

    Re: Run with Me

    Quote Originally Posted by Jaskin View Post
    Hello,
    What about


    Souldn't it be ?
    have seen more running people in the streets than I have anywhere else.

    Cheers,
    You can use 'have', but 'did' is also correct.

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