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    • Join Date: Apr 2008
    • Posts: 154
    #1

    Please help check my writing

    Hi Teachers, I have wrote a paragraph. Please help me to check grammar mistakes or rephrase them.

    As the eldest son of "Runway Sting", he cracked into the wrestling business under his father influence. With his knee mind to the business, he follows in his father footsteps as businessman and wrestler. His all-round wrestling skills has been polished by the exclusive training from some veterans like Whistler, Black Hat Biley. The result was proved to be successful, after his debut match against Whister before 1000 audience. Many thinks that he can go far if he doesn't turn stale in wrestling.

    P.S I want to say he is a wrestler and also a businessman in the wrestling company, should I add "a" before "businessman and wrestler"?


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #2

    Re: Please help check my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by redgiant View Post
    Hi Teachers, I have wrote written a paragraph. Please help me to check grammar mistakes or rephrase them.

    As the eldest son of "Runway Sting", he cracked broke into the wrestling business under through/with his father's influence. With his knee mind [What do you mean by "knee mind"?] to the business, he follows in his father's footsteps as businessman and wrestler. His all-round wrestling skills has [plural subject=plural verb] been polished by the exclusive training received from some veterans like Whistler and Black Hat Biley. The result was proved to be successful, after his debut match against Whistler before 1000 audience an audience of 1000. Many thinks [plural subject=plural verb] that he can go far if he doesn't turn stale in wrestling.

    P.S I want to say he is a wrestler and also a businessman in the wrestling company, should I add "a" before "businessman and wrestler"? Not nrecessary.

    Not bad, but you need to work on your subject/verb relationship.


    • Join Date: Apr 2008
    • Posts: 154
    #3

    Re: Please help check my writing

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    Not bad, but you need to work on your subject/verb relationship.
    THANKS~ it should be keen mind


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #4

    Re: Please help check my writing

    That's better! I was rather taken with "knee mind", though.

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