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Dear Mr. Tang:
I am very interested in the IT intern position at GE Commercial Finance. A big theme at GE these days is innovation and after reading the Fortune Article (remove 'you recommended') I know that IT (remove 'is') plays an important role in your company. That GE focuses on solving some of the world's toughest problems makes me look forward to solving these problems with you.
What I have learned and experienced qualifies me as a good candidate for this job. The courses I have taken, such as operating system and database, makes me familiar with computer systems and network. By finishing the projects assigned, I have built my confidence to solve any kind of problem. For example, visualizing a database required me to read lots of paper in the field (rephrase this please, I dint get you "I had never reached in a short time"). And also I managed to find some well-implemented libraries to accelerate my project. Besides, I had been a careful and patient tutor in my first two years at Fudan University.
(remove "It is building on") My experience and my understanding of the responsibilities (remove "that I") would help me contribute immensely to GE Commercial Finance. I am available for interviews at your convenience and look forward to learning more about your company.
Thanking you (remove "for your time and consideration.")
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Here you go. I may have made some 'cultural' errors, please do not mind them and change as you find necessary.
Student or Learner