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  1. shanz's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • Urdu
      • Home Country:
      • Pakistan
      • Current Location:
      • United Arab Emirates

    • Join Date: Sep 2008
    • Posts: 5,854
    #1

    Prayers for her

    Please go through my passage below and indicate my mistakes…… Thanks

    Its my firm believe if my intentions are true and I pray whole heartedly then sooner or later my prayers verily be responded. But what hurts my more is your ignorance though you have decided to leave me but still I can’t keep you away from me. In fact my eyes brimmed with tears when I think you going.

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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      • English
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      • Australia
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      • Australia

    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 24,104
    #2

    Re: Prayers for her

    Quote Originally Posted by shanz View Post
    Please go through my passage below and indicate my mistakes…… Thanks

    Its my firm believe if my intentions are true and I pray whole heartedly then sooner or later my prayers verily be responded. But what hurts my more is your ignorance though you have decided to leave me but still I can’t keep you away from me. In fact my eyes brimmed with tears when I think you going.
    Its my firm belief that if my intentions are true and I pray whole-heartedly, then sooner or later my prayers verily be responded will be answered. But what hurts me most [this doesn't follow] is your ignorance. though You have decided to leave me but still I can’t keep you away from me. In fact, my eyes brim with tears when I think you going.
    ------------------------------------------------------
    Suggest delete underlined. Add blue.
    Most of your conjunctions do not actual join related concepts. They sound like unrelated thoughts. Perhaps this is the effect you are trying to give?

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