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  1. Unregistered
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    #1

    Exclamation Help with essay please!!

    hi i need somebody to revise my essay ! compare and contrast

    There are two major political parties in the United States; the Democratic Party and the Republican Party. Senators of each party are nominated to run for presidency. Each of the Senators runs their campaigns in order to gain the US Citizens support. In this case John McCain and Barack Obama are the two senators in the US congress running for presidency. John McCain is the Republican Senator of Arizona, while Barack Obama is the democrat senator of Illinois. While there are few similarities between these two candidates, the differences between them are much greater.

    One similarity is that they both have been spending all their time, money and efforts in their campaign. They have travel around the country in order to educate the residents about the plans, changes and opportunities they will contribute to the citizens of United States if they are elected as a President. In addition they want to demonstrate their capacities, knowledge, and experiences. The reason for this is because they want to acquire the trust and support of American Citizens and able to show them they are the best candidate to make this Country stronger and safer. It is obvious that these two candidates want to become the next President of the United States, but only one will be able to make it.

    The first big difference between them is their background for example; John McCain dedicated most of his life in following the footsteps of his father in serving his Country as a naval aviator. He was also a prisoner war for over five years in North Vietnam. After escaping from brutal tragedy he left the Navy to become a congressman. Meanwhile Barack Obama graduated from Harvard law school then became a community organizer before he became a senator of Illinois. John McCain has been in the U.S Senate since 1987 while Barack Obama has been in the U.S Senate since 2005. Another difference between these two men is the way they think and beliefs. John McCain is against abortion, unlike Barack Obama who supports the woman’s right to have an abortion. John McCain wants to cuts in corporate taxes to stimulate job creation in contrast Barack Obama wants to tax cuts on a small businesses and individuals earning less than $250,000 a year.

    Even though these two candidates for the presidency of United States have many qualities, experiences and great things to offer, they have many differences in the way they want to run the Country and the plans and opportunities they may offer to the Citizens if they win the election.

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Help with essay please!!

    Before I comment on the grammar, you should know that the presidential nominee does NOT have to be senator. It so happened that each man was in this case. There are TWO senators from each state, so "the" senator doesn't work.

    Your capitalization is inconsistent. Generally don't capitalize titles unless it comes immediately before the person's name.

    I've put in pink things that need attention.
    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    hi i need somebody to revise my essay ! compare and contrast

    There are two major political parties in the United States; the Democratic Party and the Republican Party. Senators of each party are nominated to run for presidency. Each of the Senators runs their campaigns in order to gain the US Citizens support. In this case,John McCain and Barack Obama are the two senators in the US congress running for the presidency. John McCain is the Republican Senator of Arizona, while Barack Obama is the democrat senator of Illinois. While there are few similarities between these two candidates, the differences between them are much greater. Did you mean "a few" or "few"?

    One similarity is that they both have been spending all their time, money and efforts in their campaign. They have travel around the country in order to educate the residents about the plans, changes and opportunities they will contribute to the citizens of United States if they are elected as a President. In addition they want to demonstrate their capacities, knowledge, and experiences. The reason for this is because they want to acquire the trust and support of American Citizens and able to show them they are the best candidate to make this Country stronger and safer. It is obvious that these two candidates want to become the next President of the United States, but only one will be able to make it.

    The first big difference between them is their background for example; John McCain dedicated most of his life [actually, not "most of his life"] in following the footsteps of his father in serving his Country as a naval aviator. He was also a prisoner war for over five years in North Vietnam. After escaping from brutal tragedy he left the Navy to become a congressman. Meanwhile Barack Obama graduated from Harvard law school then became a community organizer before he became a senator of Illinois. [He was also in the Illinois State Senate, I beleive] John McCain has been in the U.S Senate since 1987 while Barack Obama has been in the U.S Senate since 2005. Another difference between these two men is the way they think and beliefs. John McCain is against abortion, unlike Barack Obama, who supports the woman’s right to have an abortion. John McCain wants to cuts in corporate taxes to stimulate job creation, in contrast to Barack Obama, who wants to tax cuts on a small businesses and individuals earning less than $250,000 a year.

    Even though these two candidates for the presidency of United States have many qualities, experiences and great things to offer, they have many differences in the way they want to run the Country and the plans and opportunities they may offer to the Citizens if they win the election.
    Some of the things in pink are actually my additions, but I wanted you to see them.

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