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    • Join Date: Apr 2008
    • Posts: 154
    #1

    Please correct this paragraph

    I wrote this paragraph with some words I have just learned. Your proofreading is very much appreciated.

    The new leader vowed to dismantle the tower where a shooting rampage took place by terrorists in 1989. But his plan was being opposed by the public in the belief that the dismantling was a gesture of submission to terrorism and its stay showed that terrorism couldn't change their country. But the leader didn't backpedal. Instead, he argued that the building would conjure up memories of that tragedy, especially the family members of victims and many who suffered psychological wounds by that incident. To try to persuade the public, he splashed out on advertisements and campaigns touting the benefits of removing the tower, such as taking out full-page newspaper ads for 16 straight days and featuring several influential celebrities in the TV ads. But his determination sparked widespread speculation. Some believed he wanted to clear the land for property developers as a reward for their endorsment in the previous election. The tower, built on the 500 acres land next to the advanced transportation hub, was said to have the highest land price in the country. So, it was easy to understand why the leader employed all means to ensure the destruction ran smoothly.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • German
      • Home Country:
      • Germany
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Nov 2008
    • Posts: 1,032
    #2

    Re: Please correct this paragraph

    You have started three sentences with "but" . In each case, I feel the sentence would be more effective without it.

    he splashed out on advertisements and campaigns touting the benefits of removing the tower,

    I don't understand what you mean by splashed out.

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