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  1. supada's Avatar
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    #1

    Are these sentences OK?

    Hi,

    In the international market, two major stars which are Kate Beckinsale and Josh Hartnett will be put into the design as a massive attraction of the poster.

    I think it's awkward but I don't know how to correct them. I'd like to say that in the international market, there will be 2 faces of Kate and Josh put in design because they are sellable in overseas market. (But in domestic market, those two will not play a big part in the design.)

    Does this sentence make sense?

    Please help.

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    #2

    Exclamation Re: Are these sentences OK?

    Quote Originally Posted by supada View Post
    Hi,

    In the international market, two major stars which are Kate Beckinsale and Josh Hartnett will be put into the design as a massive attraction of the poster.

    I think it's awkward but I don't know how to correct them. I'd like to say that in the international market, there will be 2 faces of Kate and Josh put in design because they are sellable in overseas market. (But in domestic market, those two will not play a big part in the design.)

    Does this sentence make sense?

    Please help.
    It will make better sense with minor modifications as:
    In the international market, two major stars who are Kate Beckinsale and Josh Hartnett will be put into the design so as to have a massive attraction of the poster.

  2. supada's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Are these sentences OK?

    Thanks, Manas. I get it. : )


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    #4

    Re: Are these sentences OK?

    In the international market, two major stars which are Kate Beckinsale and Josh Hartnett will be put into the design as a massive attraction of the poster.


    For the international market, two major stars - Kate Beckinsale and Josh Hartnett - will also be included in the poster design, as a massive draw factor.

    Being show biz, 'massive' is part of the lingo and so appropriate.

    as a massive draw factor: OR 'for their mass appeal' (which I prefer).
    Last edited by David L.; 04-Dec-2008 at 10:52.

  3. supada's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Are these sentences OK?

    Thanks, David, for the tip. The sentence is much better after correction.

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