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  1. SunMoon's Avatar

    • Join Date: Aug 2008
    • Posts: 197
    #1

    Question Specifying some aspects of my professional experience...?

    I am answering to a head hunter and I am not quite sure about my writing, can you have a look at that?

    Dear xxx

    Thank you for your e-mail.

    No, I have not certification in Prince2 or ITIL.

    However, if I can say some useful thing in order to meet needs of your client, I have over 15 years' experience in Project Management and I developed my knowledge about this matter within high profile companies like City Group. I have attended to many private and professional courses provided by IBM and HP building expertise on the Management System for Information Systems, which is the base of the ITIL.

    I hope it is of help.

    I look forward to hearing from you soon.

    With warm regards

    What do you reckon?
    Last edited by SunMoon; 10-Dec-2008 at 21:03. Reason: Title correction


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 810
    #2

    Re: Specifying some aspects of my professional experience...?

    Quote Originally Posted by SunMoon View Post
    I am answering to a head hunter and I am not quite sure about my writing, can you have a look at that?

    Dear xxx

    Thank you for your e-mail.

    No, I do not hold a certification in Prince2 or ITIL.

    However, I nonetheless believe I can meet the needs of your client. I have over 15 years' experience in Project Management which I developed within high profile companies such as City Group. I have attended many private and professional courses provided by IBM and HP building expertise on the Management System for Information Systems, which is the base of the ITIL. This monstrous green sentence needs more punctuation!

    I look forward to hearing from you soon.

    Best regards

    What do you reckon?
    It is very hard to know how to edit a letter in this way. Without even a rudimentary knowledge of context, it is impossible to know how it should look, read, feel, etc, etc.

    I have removed some things, added a relative clause and changed some of the wording.

  2. SunMoon's Avatar

    • Join Date: Aug 2008
    • Posts: 197
    #3

    Question Re: Specifying some aspects of my professional experience...?

    First of all, many thanks for your help, Colloquium.

    I was worried to write too many things so I avoided to write the context which was necessary.

    I applied for a Project Manager position, I sent my CV which is focused on my Project Management experience developed for over 15 years. The recruiter answered me asking just " Please could you confirm if you have any experience in Prince2 or ITIL?". About this matter I could talk for hours explaining what Prince2 or ITIL are and why they have been invented... maybe I have to write this last piece (?)

    I modified the monstrous green sentence hoping it should better.

    Dear xxx

    Thank you for your e-mail.

    No, I do not hold a certification in Prince2 or ITIL.

    However, I nonetheless believe I can meet the needs of your client. I have over 15 years' experience in Project Management which I developed within high profile companies such as City Group. I have attended many private and professional courses provided by IBM and HP and I could talk about standards, guidelines and rules for hours, having taught Project Management internally companies were I worked for.

    I look forward to hearing from you soon.

    Best regards


    What do you reckon now?


    • Join Date: May 2008
    • Posts: 810
    #4

    Re: Specifying some aspects of my professional experience...?

    Quote Originally Posted by SunMoon View Post
    Dear xxx

    Thank you for your e-mail.

    No, I do not hold a certification in Prince2 or ITIL.

    However, I nonetheless believe I can meet the needs of your client. I have over 15 years' experience in Project Management which I developed within high profile companies such as City Group. I have attended many private and professional courses provided by IBM and HP and I could talk about standards, guidelines and rules for hours, having taught Project Management internally in previous roles.

    I look forward to hearing from you soon.

    Best regards


    What do you reckon now?
    I think it looks good. I changed one more part at the very end which wasn't quite correct.

    With regards to the last sentence, we probably wouldn't use the phrase "talk for hours" in a formal style letter to a potential employer, but if this is just a reasonably informal letter to a recruiter it's probably okay.

    A more formal (less colloquial) version might read:

    I have attended many private and professional courses provided by IBM and HP and as such have extensive knowledge of standards, guidelines and rules, having taught Project Management internally in previous roles
    Last edited by colloquium; 10-Dec-2008 at 23:11.

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